What do ghosts use to keep their hair in place? Scare-spray!
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
The evil King of Weatherland only had one favorite weather - hail, storm.
What happens when you go to the beach in hell?
You get a SaTan.
Birds too love cheering on their soccer teams. They egg them on.
Pardon me if I’m being pool-itically incorrect.
What do you call a dad joke about skeletons?
A skele-pun!
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
Which candy do astronauts like? Marsbar.
Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
What do you get when you put a bomb in a dinosaur? Dino-mite.
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
Why do old artists never die? They just put things in perspective.
What does a cow put on his French toast?
Moooolasses.
"I'd like to make a toast!", said the bread to the bride on her wedding day.
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
Two rocks at the bottom of a mountain. First rock: Avalanche!
Second rock: Ha! I'm not gonna fall for that again!
Q: Which U.S. state do tigers like the most?
A: Maine.
During the pandemic, all the children asked to draw pictures of the different types of grass. The children had to submit their grass-essments online.
There is a higher chance of being struck by lightning than to be killed in a shark attack.
Shocking isn't it.
What do you call an owl dressed in armor?
A knight owl.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
Crows organized a cawnfrences, to discuss the upcoming project.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
Kangaroo: [dials 9-1-1] I can’t find my kids!
9-1-1: Did you check your pockets?
Kangaroo: [pats pouch] Oh… nevermind.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
An arrogant gazelle walks up to a bunch of lions and tells them how much better he is than them.
He was consumed by pride.
Can’t pinch this.
Would you mind watching my pet parrot while I’m out, as long as it’s not too much of a birden?
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
How did the shark do on his test?
Fin-Tastic!
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
Why would an oreo cookie need to visit a dentist? To get a filling replacement.
What do you call two cookies from the same cookie sheet who fall in love? A batch made in heaven.
The daddy strawberry got the job to perform at the circus because he was a berry straw-ng man.
I don’t have Great Expectations for my son.
I got him the other books by Dickens though.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
How do lumberjacks shut down their computers?.
They log off.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What do Ghosts say when they are impressed? - That was spectre-cular!
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
What did the llama get when he graduated school?
A dipllama.
Go to BabaMail
