What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
Rudder valve reversals
What’s a horse’s favorite sport?
Saddleball.
How do sheep greet each other during the holidays? Fleece Navidad!
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
Why did the hipster burn his lips?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.
Wow, wouldn’t mind if you became my significant otter.
Why were the herbs not fully grown yet? They didn't have enough thyme!
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
What do you call a dog on the beach in the summer? A hot dog!
Two Dragons walk into a bar.
1st dragon: It's hot in here
2nd dragon: Shut your mouth.
How does the sun say hi to the moon?
With a heat wave!
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
How did I make the mango tree fit in my flower-pot?
I planted it.
Heard a rumor of a giant butterfly in London. Probably just an urban moth.
Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant...
Dirty Bastards.
Where does a penguin keep its money?
In a snow bank.
How did the aliens hurt the farmer?
They trod on his corn.
What do you call a maternal Turkish robot water weasel?
An Ottoman otter-mom automaton.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
Did you hear ISIS is spreading to Italy?
Nobody's concerned though, since it's just Italian ISIS and they're delicious. Especially cherry flavor.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
Q. What does one teen buck say to oad another into doing something risky?
A. I double deer you!
I’m very frond of you.
Why don’t alligators watch movies?
Because they live in swamps.
The next round the wolf showed up at the butchery, he was arrested. This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting.
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
You snow the drill.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing it just waved.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
How did the fire ant feel after the rain storm flooded his home?
Very put out, indeed!
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
If art became imprisoned we'd have to Freda art.
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
Who is king of all the mice?
Mouse Tse Tung!
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
Q: Which U.S. state do tigers like the most?
A: Maine.
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