How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
In spite of all restrictions because of Covid, diplomats are allowed to travel freely across countries.
Because they have immunity.
What did the teacher say when he could not get into his car?
‘Oh no, I have lost my Kias!’
Why are werewolves better than vampires?
Werewolves don’t have a problem with steaks.
What goes up when rain starts to come down?
Umbrellas.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
What did the wise papa fish tell his son?
Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
Q. What do you get when you combine Blue Agave and literature?
A. Tequila Mockingbird
What’s the difference between a Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
Did you hear about the generous and kind deer? She had a hart of gold!
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
Nurse: Are you allergic to anything?
Man: Burnt bread.
Nurse: You're allergic to burnt bread?!?
Man: Yes, I’m black toast intolerant.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a crocodile.
A funeral.
"I'm so egg-cited, I just can't hide it."
Why did the artist get into a heated argument with the gallery curator? He just wasn't in the right frame of mind.
Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
How did the skeleton know the other skeleton was lying?
He could see right through him.
What's the best time of year to see gorillas in the wild? Ape-ril.
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
Did you hear about the bread party? It’s scone be a lot of fun, and wheat love for you to join us.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
I’ll have a crocodile sandwich please, and make it snappy!
Why do they eat snail in France?
Because they don’t have fast food.
What did the Spanish fireman call his two sons?
José and Hose-B.
How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?
You rocket.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?
Climax.
Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone.
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? Exactly the same as short dinosaurs!
Why was there a troop of gorillas protesting outside the biscuit factory?
They wanted to stop the production of animal crackers.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
What do you call a kung-fu match between a married couple?
Marital Arts!
Why do cows have no money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
What's it called when a buffalo turns two hundred years old?
A Bisontennial!
Which keyboard shortcut doesn't work if you're incontinent?
Ctrl-P
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
How do two rival forests get along? They sign a peace tree-ty!
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