According to Greek mythology, Chiron was a half horse half human doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
A green ogre came up to me and began saying how stressed he was/
I said, "You're a nervous Shrek."
Picky people pick Peter Pan Peanut-Butter, 'tis the peanut-butter picky people pick.
At the Italian restaurant, the ghoul ordered spook-ghetti for his main course.
“You’re my soul Santa.”
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
Because he had a bone to pick.
Pugs and kisses.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital.
He was on a fairway to heaven.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
My local Italian restaurant is moving to Italy
They are moving to greener pasta.
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?
It got lockjaw.
After a long March, April always puts a little spring in my step.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
What did the llama say when he found out he had been robbed?
“I’ve been fleeced!”
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
Q: Why couldn’t the orange believe that her friend had let her down?
A: This was because citrus-ted him!
We were having lunch with my wife's parents. Her father asked if she and I were still going to a concert later that night. He asked, "Are you guys going out?"
I said, "actually, we're married".
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory?
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump
Why do cheeses make bad musicians?
They’re always sharp.
Have you noticed that most wolf parties begin at around midnight? Well, it is not by coincidence, it is so that they can have a howling good time.
Living on Earth might be expensive. But we surely get a free trip around the sun every year!
What do you call a cup of leaf juice that doesn’t want to be a dad?
Absent-tea parent.
I knew a detective who always wore a cat costume.
One day I asked him why.
He told me "I am always in purrsuit."
What do you call an outlaw goat?
Billy the Kid.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
Why does a little cherry always look up to its parents? It tries to follow in their fruitsteps.
What do you call a beaver with a bad attitude who acts lazy? A beaver that doesn’t give a dam.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
How many dinosaurs can fit in an empty box ? One . After that, the box isn't empty anymore!
Q: Why did the orange cross the road?
A: Because everyone thought he was a chicken.
The phone rings, and a crow picks it only to find out it’s for her husband. She then says: "Hey John, you have a phone caw."
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
What does a short sighted detective wear?
Suspectacles
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Ed Belfour's new contract offer isn't high compared to other goal tenders.
Why does Venus have a crush on the sun?
Because the sun is really hot.
What is the best way to observe the two planets between Jupiter and Neptune?
Saturn Uranus.
What's the name of the machine the ancient greeks used to calculate how best to fight hybrid monsters?
The antichimera mechanism.
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
What do Spanish speaking people prefer to travel in groups of 2 or 4?
No tres-passing.
Did you hear about the geologist who went to jail?
He was charged with basalt and battery.
Go to BabaMail
