What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
How do you get in contact with a Greek architect?
You column.
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
She was no spring chicken.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
Do you know what you call it when you place beef between two slices of bread? You get a bull-only sandwich.
You know what really bugs me?
Insect puns.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
There’s a new drama featuring herbivore doctors.
It’s called Graze Anatomy.
Werewolves keep their spare things in a were-house.
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
So I asked my Spanish friend if he knew where fish lived.
He said "Si."
Two fish are swimming in a river, when one of them hits a concrete wall. He turns to the other and says: "Dam"
My favorite sport is bowling cause I always strike out with girls.
Not to brag, but I already have a date for Valentines Day.
February 14th.
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
How many yaks could a yak pack, pack if a yak pack could pack yaks?
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
I cannot espresso
how much you mean to me.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
Where was the dinosaur when the sun went down ? In the dark!
What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? “Hey, close the door! I’m dressing!”
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
I knew a mathematician who couldn’t afford lunch.
He could binomial.
What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
How do you know when a baby koala bear is happy? You’ll see them jump for joey!
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
"That's all, yolks."
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Why was the little bear so spoiled?
Because its mother panda’d to its every whim!
Why is it good to drink witch's brew?
It's very newt-tricious!
Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
They say March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. Ewe might say it leaves sheepishly.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains
Doctor: Pull yourself together
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
What do you call an alligator who’s your friend?
A pal-igator.
I checked my phone bill after my trip to Italy, and it said I spent DCXII dollars.
I must have left on Data Roman.
Q. What do you call a gorilla who studies large primates and has great grades?
A. Ape lust student.
What kind of Nurse can cast spells?
A Curse Practitioner.
Don’t go bacon my heart.
What do you call a thriller movie involving cars?
Suspension movie.
The mossbacks could not connect with the new developments, so the bill was hot
down at the senate.
I eat eel while you peel eel
Why don’t dolphins have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
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