French history is nothing to Lafayette at.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
"I would hop to the end of the world for you."
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
What do witches in Australia ride?
Broomerangs.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
What does a werewolf say in church?
Howleluia!
What do snowmen do on Christmas?
Play with the snow angels.
Many people have a mythical belief about soup. It is called soup–erstition.
Why didn't the T-rex skeleton attack the museum visitors? Because she had no guts!
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Why did the bat often use mouthwash? She had bat breath.
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous.
I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed.
I’ve found that dressing up like this has truly been an en-witching experience.
Why do werewolves do well at school?
Because every time they’re asked a question, they come up with a snappy answer!
I would rather breed mice than crows
Mischief is one thing, but I don't think I can pull off a murder.
Let me tell you about my grandfather. He was a good man, a brave man. He had the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
Why do math teachers make good dancers?
Because they have algorithm.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
Why shouldn’t you drive with a vampire?
He will drive you batty.
When were rock puns the funniest?
During the stone age.
What is the fastest way to make a setter angry? Each time you make a pass, tell the setter the ball is “Up” and then say “Yours!”
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
It’s been a few years since the invisible man married the invisible woman.
Their kids are nothing to look at.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
What do you call unwanted revealing comments about a movie?
Spoilers.
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
The game of golf is 90-percent mental…
And 10-percent mental.
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
Why is Christmas the cheesiest holiday? Baby cheeses. (Baby Jesus)
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
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