Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What did the drug diller say to the duck?
Are you on quack?
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
Why is it so difficult to sell a toy zebra.
You can never find the barcode.
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making monster puns.
So I guess our relationship might as well be ogre.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
What does a bowler and a Thanksgiving guest have in common?
They both want a Turkey.
Whoever slit the sheets is a good sheet slitter.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
How did the baker cut four loaves of bread at the same time? By buying a four-loaf-cleaver.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
Snow and Tell
What did the grape say when the bat squished on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
What do you get when you plant a Donut?
A pastree.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
What do bees chew?
Bubmble gum.
“If you’re lucky this Christmas, Santa Claus will grace you with his presents.”
Mr. Tongue Twister tried to train his tongue to twist and turn, and twit an twat, to learn the letter "T".
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
What did the lion say to his cubs when he was first teaching them how to hunt? Don’t cross the road until you see the zebra crossing!
Do you know what is so special about the alphabet soup of Twitter? It only allows 140 letters.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
What sport does a cat play? Hairball!
My herbs were looking a little scuffed, but when I went to go polish them, my friend was already getting ready to help me out. This made me upset, so I grabbed a sprig out of their hands and said
This is my thyme to shine.
What happens if someone chucks a rock at you? You hit the rock’s bottom.
What's more amazing than a talking bat? A spelling bee!
What do you call a Greek love song?
An Aphro-ditty.
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
Thunderstorms are shrewd investors. They put their money in a combination of frozen and liquid assets.
I got down on one knee and asked her if she'd be the mother to my kids, she said yes...
Guess who's gonna find a bunch of losers in a box tomorrow morning at their doorstep.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
Why can't basketball players go on vacation?
They aren't allowed to travel.
What is a deer’s favorite place to get breakfast?
Dunkin’ Doe-nuts!
What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
Did you hear about the emperor penguin?
He had a freezing reign!
How are a volleyball coach and a dentist similar? They both use drills.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
Most of your players never make it out of the lower-level tournaments. I highly doubt their Futures as a professional.
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? A; Because he heard the cakes were rich.
The favorite fruit of all ghost's are Bloooooo-berries!
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
"Having a good hare day."
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