My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
How did the hamburger introduce his wife?
"Meet Patty."
How does the Skywalker family like their tea?
Lukewarm.
Seven days without playing soccer can make one weak.
If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?
Snowbows.
When I woke up from my accident, I was shocked when the doctors told me I broke all my fingers.
It was hard to grasp.
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
Why would an oreo cookie need to visit a dentist? To get a filling replacement.
What do you call two cookies from the same cookie sheet who fall in love? A batch made in heaven.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
You have to act quickly during a flood because it's an emergent sea.
What is the worst advice a coach could ever give to a nude volleyball team? Play hard.
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
I don’t know if I got hit by freezing rain but it sure hurt like hail.
I was surprised that although I was supposed to be feeling blue, my heart was not that heavy. Perhaps, I am feeling light blue.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What do you get when you cross Frosty with a baker?
Frosty the Dough-Man!
Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?
Yeah, he can clock you a good one.
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
Why did the artist go to the lounge? Because it was her comfort tone.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
What did the grouchy mushroom say to the loud mushroom? - Put a cap on it.
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What do you call the people that you eat grass and produce milk alongside?
Cow-workers!
I enjoy throwing coins in the river and watching them. I like studying my cash flow.
If you really want to get a date at a restaurant, it’s always nice to cut to the cheese.
What would you get if you'd put a lawyer in a suit? A lawsuit.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
What is Jack Frost’s favourite mode of transport?
A Tr-Ice-cycle
Ever heard of Cawsmopolitan? It is one of the best magazines for crows.
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
What's one of the worst things you could come across while surfing the web?
Your keyboard.
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud.
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"
Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"
Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
If Van Gogh were alive today, what might the title of his autobiography be called?
The STARRY of My Life
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
The zookeeper was struggling to explain why two tropical birds were stuck together.
It was toucan fusing.
What do you call it when a prisoner takes his own mug shot? A cellfie.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
Should you plant flowers in any month besides April?
May as well!
How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?
Woo! Tang is forever!
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
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