How do you make a telephone in the jungle?
With toucans and a piece of string.
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
A stoner, a Jedi and a surgeon walk into a bar.
Blunt force trauma.
When you cross an orange and a bunny, you will end up with a pip squeak.
Why do poltergeists love haunting old theaters?
Because they can't wait to boo the performers.
These aren't your mom's puns, these are your sisters puns. Tam-puns
Why could not the young vampire bat play baseball?
He was a bat boy.
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
Why did Frosty the snowman want a divorce?
Because he thought his wife was a flake.
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
What type of cat will keep your garden looking nice and tidy? A lawn meower.
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
When Dumbo’s mom was pregnant, no one would talk about it.
It was the elephant in the womb.
You know why I love bread puns? Because they never go stale.
Old gorillas never die, but they do go bananas.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
I’m going to start a YouTube channel where I critique bottled water...
It’s an untapped market.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
Building a good makeup design always starts with a good foundation.
How do you buy a cat, if the pet store is closed?
You buy it from the cat-alog!
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
A bear covered in a bunch of crows gives the picture of a grizzly murder.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
Who is the wasps' favorite singer?
Sting.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Can you explain why your neighbor’s yard is so messy and overgrown?
“We’d never.”
Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
Just can't get away from my broken keyboard. There's no escape.
What do you call a camel with three humps?
Pregnant.
It’s snow joke.
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
Near an ear, a nearer ear, a nearly eerie ear.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
Where did the Flopper work in the offseason? At Dominik's Hat-Check.
When the drivers ran out of fuel in the grassland, they refueled their tanks with grass-oline!
What's the slogan for the New York Demon Chomping Advocacy Group?
Gobble the ghoul.
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
Why are goats from France musical?
Because they have French horns.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
Go to BabaMail
