Why did the witch fall off her broom mid-flight?
She had a fainting spell!
My father said that there was a bug on my computer. The bug was trying to eat one byte at a time.
Q: Why did the little clouds idolize the big cloud?
A: Because he was the raining champion.
The snowman keeps having tantrums, they're real meltdowns!
What does a cow put on his French toast?
Moooolasses.
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
When can 3 elephants stand under 1 umbrella and not get wet?
When it’s not raining.
Skeleton 1: Why are graveyards so noisy?
Skeleton 2: I don't know. Why?
Skeleton 1: Because of all the coffin.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Did you hear about the two cell phones that got married?
The ceremony was so so but the reception was superb.
What’s an orca’s favorite TV show?
Whale Of Fortune.
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
Why can a leopard never hide for long? It’s always spotted
What do you call the dandruff found on unicorn manes? Horn flakes.
I cannoli be happy
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
Even during thunderstorms, Santa can still deliver presents because raindeers fly his sleigh.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
If you go to a beach and you can see through it, you could say the coast is clear.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
I think you’re incredi-bowl.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
"If you want to pass this point alive, you must answer my riddle: What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and on three legs in the evening?" the Sphinx asked.
Oedipus pondered for a moment, "Probably one of those new Pokemones," he finally replied. "There is like 600 of them.
"Fair enough man," spoke the Sphinx. "I can't reasonably expect you to remember all their names. You may pass."
Why did the rude unicorn not say hello to the other? Because while the pace (face) was familiar, he
just couldn’t remember the mane (name).
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? They lived hoppily ever after.
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
Arson.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
What kind of croc hangs out in back passages around town?
An Alley-gator.
Why did the Apatosaurus devour the factory? Because she was a plant eater!
Q. How do does and fawns fly from place to place?
A. In a deer-igible
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
What is a pirate’s favorite cheese?
Ched-arrrrgh!
Are you a thief? Because you stole my heart.
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
What did the lighter color shade tell to its dark lover?
I want hue
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