Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the Woodpecker would peck 'er.
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
It's a Cemer Tree.
It's tough to tell if the sky is ever happy or not. It always looks so blue!
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
What fruit do vampire bats like the best?
Neck-tarines.
How do you know if it's too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
What did the flower do when she was challenged?
Rose to the occasion.
I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.
It's all coming back to me now.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo? A turkey that can pluck itself!
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
Fresh French fried fly fritters
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
HIJKLMNO is the formula for water
H to O.
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do? It can look round.
If you get married out on sea or in a boat...
is that a row-mance?
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
What do you call a broken can opener?
A can't opener
The last thing my grandfather said before he died was “It’s worth it to spend money on good speakers.”
That was some sound advice.
I saw a kitten eating chicken in the kitchen.
All the grasses were bumping into each other because the grass-light wasn't working in the streets.
"Adulting makes me wine."
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
What did the cowboy say when he bought a yo yo.
This ain't my first yo yo!
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
Have you heard of the tallest tower in France?
It’s a real Eiffel.
Where do dinosaurs get their mail ? At the dead-letter office!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
Where did the Terminator find extra olive oil??
Aisle B, back.
What does Santa often say to Mrs Claus? Come and look at the rain-dear.
Icy what you did there.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
Are you a thief? Because you stole my heart.
What do you call the least popular color in the rainbow? The weakest pink.
Wondering about a peach's favorite movie? Well it has to be the 'King's Peach'.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
What did the deer tell his buddy before he took a test?
“Good buck!”
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
How did the archeologists know the skeletons were real?
They were bone-afide.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
We like to paddy.
What's the difference between a strawberry and a Tyrannosaurus? The strawberry is red!
I came into the office early and switched as many M and N keys on keyboards as I could. Some might say I'm a monster...
But others will say nomster
I'd advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
Artists are colorful people who know how to draw on their emotions.
How does the Easter bunny stay in shape?
Lots of eggs-ercise!
Basketball players make good husbands. They never shoot their wives.
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