What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
Did you hear about the emperor penguin?
He had a freezing reign!
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
What did the water plant worker say when their facility flooded?
Dam.
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I'm in Seine.
They figured it was the best way to break the ice.
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
Why are there no penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
I’m opening a grocery store that specializes in Swiss cheese and donuts.
I’m calling it Hole Foods.
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
Six slimy snails sailed silently.
If I made werewolf puns, they would be howl-arious.
My ex-husband was very responsible. If anything went wrong, he was usually responsible for it.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
Why has the prosthesis dealer become a private detective?
He has a nose for these things.
What’s big and grey and wears a mask?
The elephantom of the opera.
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
Who babysits young Bigfoots?
Sasq-watcher.
I’d like to tell you folks a joke about paper, but It’s tearable.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
Shucking takes lots of corn-centration.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
A good friend of mine fell into a vaporiser and died.
She is sadly mist.
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
You’re my pot of gold.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
Why did the hunter miss his mark?
He was not aiming deerectly for it.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon!
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
Q: Why did the tornado take a break?
A: Because it ran out of wind!
Teaching babies to walk is hard, but you just have take it one step at a time.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
How did the pot head propose to their spouse?
Marriage, You wanna?
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
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