What sound do hedgehogs make when they kiss?
Ouch
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
What do you call monkeys who share an Amazon account?
Prime mates.
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
Why did the castle keep swearing?
It had turrets.
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
What do you call a pig that knows martial arts?
Pork Chop
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
What should you give a deer when it gets stomachache?
Elk-a-seltzer.
How do you cheer up the patients at the vegetable hospital?
Bring a sick beet.
Her name is Carly and she's a doctor
maybe I should C A Rly good doctor.
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
How did the coconut hit on the pineapple? It said ” you are the pina to my colada.”
Tigers are probably the most roarsome animal ever created!
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
A strawberry usually gets stuck often when it gets jammed.
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
What sound does a turkey's phone make? Wing! Wing!
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangaroo? A stripy jumper!
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
Why did the house go to the doctor?
It was having window panes.
Grasshoppers do not fancy soccer matches because most of them prefer cricket matches.
When the cow forget how to give milk, she was udderly confused.
We’re trying to pool off the party of the summer.
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.
What do you call a pig with a rash? Ham and eczema.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Q. What did one artistic colored pencil say to another?
A. Bro, you are lookin' sharp today!
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
Where do robots go for fun?
The circuits.
When it comes to getting things done, my work ethic is like lightning.
I take the path of least resistance.
What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray.
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
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