What do you call a gangsta snowman?
Froze-T.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
What do you call a dull ghost? Boo-ring!
Whatever coats your boat.
I found this amazing bluegrass band that does covers of 80s rock.
They call themselves Ban Jovi.
Metaphors be with you.
Being uncomfortable with any physical contact, I decided to rent the book “How to Hug” from the library.
Turns out it was Volume 6 of an old encyclopedia.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
Fishing you a happy day.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
Why did they stop giving the horse grass?
They wanted it to be less green.
American cherries generally do pretty well at high school. Many of them end up on the cherryleading squad.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
What's green and sings? Elvis Parsley.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
What is a frustrated mother’s favorite month?
I SAID NO-vember.
What would the greatest hockey player in history be called if he would have chosen not to play hockey?
Wayne Regretzky
Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?
because they dont have mosquiTOES.
"Alcohol you later."
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
I went on a date with a Chess World Champion the other night.
It took her about 10 minutes to pass the salt.
What kind of dishes do skeletons serve tea on?
Bone china.
If a crab worked in a pizza parlor, which station would it work?
The crust station.
The most suitable way to bake a pie in autumn is to bake it to pie-fection!
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
She was no spring chicken.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What might folks in Tokyo find between Godzilla's toes?
Slow runners.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
How do frogs die?
They Kermit suicide.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
A guy walks into a bar carrying a pair of jumper cables and sets them down on the bar.
The bartender said: "Now don't you start anything!"
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
When you look at the sky and see the moon
You're looking at a subtle light
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
I'm looking to sell my DeLorean. Good shape, low mileage...
Only driven from time to time.
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
Where do ghosts go trick or treating? Dead ends.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
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