What does a mermaid say when she was leaving the party?
- Sea ya later.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?
It got lockjaw.
What job on a construction site is best suited to a skeleton?
Cranium operator.
What do you call a smartass bird of prey?
A know it owl.
What is a Ghost’s favourite film? Paranormal Activity.
What holds the moon up?
Moonbeams!
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
What did the cat do to someone she had wronged? She a-paw-logized.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
How did the ghost get from New York to London? British Scare-ways.
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Who was the smartest man in the Bible?
Abraham. He knew a Lot.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
I won an argument about weather forecasting accuracy. My fellow debater's logic was cloudy. After his defeat, he was fuming and he stormed out of the room.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
What is the fear of giants called?
Fee-fi-phobia
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
Who did the ghost invite to his party? Any old friend he could dig up.
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
I am soup-er into the beautiful girl that I met yesterday at school.
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
Where does a cow hang his best paintings? In a moo-seum, of course.
What did the teenage crow want for his birthday? A brand new caw!
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
What would a winged horse put in the bathtub?
A pegaLush bath bomb.
Wear green, or leaf.
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
What do you call a Tyrannosaurus under stress?
A nervous rex.
After I helped a peach with some work, she said, "I really ap-peach-iate your help!"
Did you hear about the cloud who became king? He rained for years.
Where do Danish players aim with the puck? Top kroner.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
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