What steps do you take when you see a tiger running towards you? Big ones!
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
Why did the Gorilla fail its exam? He didn't have the ape-titude.
What is a wolf’s favorite time of the year?
The howl-o-days.
What is a deer’s favorite after-school snack?
“Doe-nuts.”
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
What do you call it when all your mother's sisters gather at a funeral to avenge your death?
Vigil aunties.
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
What did Sophocles call his dating service in Ancient Greece?
Oedipal Arrangements.
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
What’s the best way to catch unicorns? Simple, by herding them all to one corner.
Why did the volleyball players line up from shortest to tallest? The coach wanted the team to switch from a 5-1 line up to a 6-2.
Q: Why did the beaver need an alarm clock?
A: It was to dam early.
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
Why couldn’t the donut reach enlightenment? Because it was already holy.
There is a specific type of cats who love to go bowling. They are known as alley cats.
Why did the tectonic plates break up?
It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pickle
Pickle who?
Pickle little flower and give it to your mother!
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
Do you know what is the actual difference between hell and hill? It is only a fine line.
What do you call a waffle laying on a beach?
Sandy eggo.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
What would you call an ogre who can write and recite poetry??
Shrekspeare.
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
What card game do crocodiles like playing?
Snap!
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
Never talk to me about fashion
It just goes in one year and out the other
You can virtually stay in any room. The only one you can’t is the mush-room because it is reserved for fungi.
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
Where does a killer whale go for braces?
The orca-dontist.
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
I recently went to a soft fruit party, where all the food was berry based. It was cherrific.
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
Why are parrots the life of the party? Every day is their bird-day!
Roberta ran rings around the Roman ruins.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
What is a mosquitos worst fear?
The S.W.A.T Team.
Why did the ghost decide to become a vegan?
Because it's super natural.
Did you hear about the soldier who got struck by lightning?
He had to be honorably discharged.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style? Hip-Hop!
If a painter ever feels stressed or troubled, they take a vacation to the hills. It will easel their mind!
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
"Don't worry, be hoppy."
Why did the kid keep falling off his bike? It had a banana seat.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
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