Today, we had to create a new hang position for some lighting fixtures. After all day trying, we couldn't get the new batten hung properly.
Turns out it was just a pipe dream.
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
Have you heard about some bones on the moon? Looks like the cow couldn’t make it after all.
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
Black background, brown background, black background, brown background, black background, brown background.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
How do people stop being crooks? They straighen themselves out!
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese!
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
What fruit do vampire bats like the best?
Neck-tarines.
Thirty-three thousand feathers on a thrushes throat.
What do you call dumb jokes at the beach?
Comic sands.
How many cookies could a good cook cook If a good cook could cook cookies? A good cook could cook as much cookies as a good cook who could cook cookies.
On one bright Sunday morning, one long lost wolf finally met his longtime classmate. “So, Howl’s it goin’!”
Let’s spend some koala-ty time together.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $2.50. Deer nuts are under a buck
Which monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
I painted a picture of my cat’s feet today.
You could say it was a paw-trait.
Where does a pineapple and cucumber vacation? Somewhere tropical (tro-pickle).
What do you call a Minotaur in a playground?
A swing and a myth.
Which building do vampires always visit when in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
What did one Emperor Penguin say to the other?
Nothing, he just gave him the cold shoulder.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?
“Donut hole me back.”
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test?
This is too much pressure!
The dock keeps floating above the river because of the pier- pressure.
What does a winged horse drink from at a party?
A keg-asus.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree at me. It was a hambush.
What's an inmates favorite fishing equipment? Jail bait.
What do you call a distilled botanical that likes to play the guitar??
Ginny Hendrix
Did you guys know that dolphins attack seals for sport?
It's almost like they do it on porpoise.
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
What do pigs do on the evening of February 14th?
They have a valenswines dinner.
Why don't you want to sleep in the sheep pen?
It would be total bedlam!!
Why did the corn farmer go to jail?
He was stalking someone in a field.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered.
Which city in France is the nicest?
Nice.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
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