What happened when Turbo lost his shell? He began to feel sluggish.
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white? Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
When a dinosaur gets a goal in a soccer tournament, it is known as a dino-score.
Today I Learned I should NOT have my password be the name of my cat.
I then turned to my cat and said, "Well, wJ:cg/v&A;6BTt, I guess it's back to the drawing board."
What’s the capital of France?
The F.
Why was the horse feeling a bit sick?
Its voice was a bit hoarse.
Where does Santa stay when he goes on vacation? At a ho-ho-ho-tel.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
What would a pineapple say to a pineapple pie? You have some crust.
Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
It was Panda-monium.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Q. Which Greek eggplant dish do deer really eat up?
A. Moose-aka.
How many volleyball referees do you need to screw in a light bulb? None because they are always in the dark.
What kind of tea did the American colonists want? Liberty.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
Both tournament directors published the schedule at the same time. It was a draw.
Bad puns are how eye roll.
How do Penguins drink their cola?
On the rocks.
You know, I didn't kiss my wife until I was married...
because she wasn't my wife until we were married.
What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
What does a priest put on his salad?
Lettuce spray.
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
What do you call a can of soda in a conglomerate? Coca-Cola Clastic.
Where do werewolves hate shopping?
The flea market.
Finding Bigfoot will be no small feat.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
What do you call a dream when a vampire bat is chasing you?
A bat-mare.
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
Some see a puddle of mosquito larva.
I see a pool of enbitenment.
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
They set a new lap record.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it any more. I’m going to my mom’s.”
I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?
I farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
What is Frankenstein’s favorite cheese?
Muenster.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
In life, the rule of thumb is, don’t bite more than you can chew unless it is chocolate.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
How is the submarine doing at school?
It's below c-level
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
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