What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
Local restaurant has kangaroo loin and it’s actually pretty good
It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
What do you see at a funeral for a piece of fruit? Apple-bearer.
In another town, the cowboy rides in wearing a paper suit. Paper pants, paper jacket, paper chaps. Even a paper holster!
He wasn't in town ten minutes before he was arrested for rustling.
The perfect name for a pig that plays basketball is a ball hog.
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
What did the baby goat say to his father?
I kid you not.
A friend of mine is his team's best footballer on paper. Unfortunately, they play most of their games on grass.
A lot of people can't understand why Daniel Day Lewis's twin brother Daniel Night Lewis didn't make it in the movies.
That's because the difference between them is night and day.
What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison!
What did the Australian Chess player say about the mouldy bread?
"Stalemate."
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!
Did you know that unicorns live in New York City? I swear why do you think their called uNYCorns?
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
An Indonesian Giant stubbed his foot on a volcano...
- Did he Krakatoa?
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
Where do folks from Bilbao, Spain buy outdoor equipment?
The Basque Pro Shop.
Alligators ask lots of questions, they'd make great interri-gators.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
I want to tell you an excellent ice pun, but the problem is that it’s just slipped my mind.
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.
Never talk to me about fashion
It just goes in one year and out the other
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
Why did the guy kill the fly?
It was bugging him.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
How do you measure the circumference of a Sheep?
Shepherds Pie
Why do volleyball players join the military? They want to gain extra experience in the service.
What does a cheese say when you ask him to share a secret?
He cantal.
What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.
What’s a ghoul’s favorite love story?
Romeo and Ghouliet!
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up! Why did the blonde put a sweater on her hot dog? Because she wanted a chili dog.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
“Did you know that the Christmas tree trend started because people thought it would spruce things up a
bit?”
What kind of tea did the American colonists want? Liberty.
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
What do you call a noisy group of crows?
A caw-cophony!
Librarians don't like drinking white wine. They prefer the well red ones!
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