Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
How good is a Coney Island gyro? Feta than se*.
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
For hispanic attacks.
What Twix do you have up your sleeve that makes me love you?
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
Every time I passed a ring-shaped coral reef with a coral rim that encircles a lagoon, I had to pay a fee. It was atoll.
Most of your players never make it out of the lower-level tournaments. I highly doubt their Futures as a professional.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
Why are ghouls so healthy?
They always eat fresh food!
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
What animal would you most like to be on a cold day?
A little otter...
A small step for cyan, a giant leap for bluemanity.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
I don't know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
A certain Leafs right-winger was sued by the Louisiana government. He was
Owen N'awlins.
Zebras aren’t fans of colouring books. They don’t like having to stay between the lions.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
Football is one habit I will never kick.
What do you call Mary J Blige’s accommodating Irish cousin?
Mary O’Blige.
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
I broke up with my partner on our front stairs.
It was a stoop end to the situation.
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What do you call a noisy group of crows?
A caw-cophony!
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
I think I found my perfect match
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
How does Frankenstein speak?
Frankly.
Treat yo shelves.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
Where will Kim Jong-un’s ashes be stored?
In a Kim Jong-urn
The baby strawberries were berry upset when they heard that both their parents were in the jam.
Denise sees the fleece, Denise sees the fleas. At least Denise could sneeze and feed and freeze the fleas.
Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside.
You can expect a Lil’ Wayne.
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
If the Hubble Telescope got married...
It would be called the Hubby Telescope.
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
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