Which hulking left-winger could body-slam The Giant? Dave Andre-chuck.
Why are worms so easy to get along with?
Because they are always down to Earth.
What do you call a Grizzly at a nude beach?
Bear Naked.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
What is the most popular flower in France?
Croissanthemums.
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
What do you call an alligator that has all the other gators at the swamp crown around him?
A congregator.
I went to a theater performance done on a bunch of dictionaries the other day...
It was a play on words.
I am really broth-taking when I see the signer vomiting soup.
But would they be stoned by the goalie?
No, they'd smoke it right between the pipes!
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
Fall is coll-arding; it’s time to leave.
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
A weeping camel is known as a humpback wail.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink
*No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the movie theatre*
What do you call a kung-fu match between a married couple?
Marital Arts!
What do you call a flamingo that flew into a wall?
A flamingstop.
Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
What does a Saudi bee call its bros?
Habibees.
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
Why do zebras have stripes?
Because they don't want to be spotted.
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
Hey summer, long time no sea!
What’s happens to the sportiest horse?
It gets to be first horse-pick of the draft.
What did the disappointed deer say? Oh deer!
Five frantic frogs fled from fifty fierce fishes.
Treat yo'elf.
How can you tell that it’s Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?
Because he has sesame seed buns.
The guy nearly saw a murder when he almost ran over his car over a couple of crows.
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
Why was the painter upset when his doctor bought all of his paintings? The doctor thought the paintings would go up in value after his death.
I have a good nature joke but after listening to it, everyone just leaves.
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
My grandfather recently passed, and I discovered in his journal that he has an immense hatred for sloths, pandas, and koala bears. Looking back, it was obvious.
He was always going on about those darn tree-huggers.
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets? Bootiques.
All prominent werewolf movies are produced in howl-lywood.
What is a dog’s favorite movie about dinosaurs?
Jurassic Bark.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
What is a golfer’s favorite dance move?
The Bogey.
What do you call it when a marsupial tricks you?
A kanga-ruse.
Why was the little bee sent to bed without supper?
Because he wouldn't beehive.
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