I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
Why do people in Greece not wake up until noon?
Because Dawn is tough on greece.
The strawberry was very good at racing because he was always juiced up before a race.
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
What did the cactus wear with their suit?
A cactie.
Some people say Greece should stop using the euro as currency...
I think they're being over-drachmatic.
I honestly cannot deal with puns.
But I can with a deck of cards.
What do the squirrels do when they are bored ?
watch NutFlix
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
What is it called when an IT person gets surgery on their fingers?
Tech knuckle support.
This may be corny, but you are a-maize-ing.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
Everyone wondered why Cinderella was such a bad player. If only they knew, her coach was a pumpkin.
What do you call getting attacked by a mermaid?
An ariel assault.
A car company tried to make a submarine, but it kept surfacing too quickley
The crew got the Mercedes-Bends
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
Dracula really doesn't have any other vampire friends. It's because he's a total pain in the neck.
Whatever you do this summer, be sure to make a splash.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Are there any funny red wine puns at BabaMail Jokes?
You bet Shiraz there are!
Don’t wait on me to start the meeting. I might be a hare late.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
My pet raven, Poe, started coughing... thought it was Corvid-19, but then the bird flu away. Think I will see him nevermore.
Why don't squirrels have any friends?
Because they drive everyone nuts.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
Breakfasts with my family always feel like a party because they're always making toasts.
How did Dr. Frankenstein pay the men who built his monster?
On a piece rate.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
What’s an elephant’s favorite sport?
Squash.
Plain popcorn? You can do butter than that.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
Why is the world so diverse? Because it contains alkynes of people.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
What kind of bean never grows in a garden? A jelly bean!
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
What was Hitler's favorite computer game?
Mein Kraft.
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