What kind of turkey grows on a tree? Poultry.
What do volleyball players like in bed? Kinky sets.
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie
What you call the Ghost of a Chicken? Poultry-geist.
Never argue with Pi, it's irrational.
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
Where do cows get together?
The meet market.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
My doctor told me that I needed I kidney
I told her no. I'd prefer an adult-knee.
Why are fish so smart Because they swim in schools!
We've reached the point of snow return.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
Have you ever seen a baby dragon eating ice cream?
It'll melt your heart.
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.
Did you hear about the bread party? It’s scone be a lot of fun, and wheat love for you to join us.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
My girlfriend brought 50,000 bees and put them in our backyard.
She's a keeper.
How do you know you have a tape worm?
It’s comming out of your belly!
The peach sports organization rended a commercial peach for a game of peach ball.
What did the cat say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny!
You're my purr-son.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Whats a bad flower pick-up line?
Lets put our tulips together?
My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God, and I didn’t.
Did you hear about the werewolf who got invited to the dance?
He really wanted to go, but the upcoming full moon was giving him paws.
What do you get if you cross a witch with a werewolf?
A mad dog that chases airplanes!
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
I’m stuck on you like igloo.
What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?
Climax.
I’m in love with France, and I ain’t Lyon.
A pine and an apple talk to a pineapple “Poor you, my friend! You are certainly adopted, dude.”
What do you call an irate kangaroo?
A k-angry-oo.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
What do you do if you find a blue Ichthyosaur ? Cheer him up!
Are you addicted to the ocean and ocean life?
If you are, sea kelp
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
I was wondering about the color of the wind when it suddenly occurred to me that it blue.
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
Where does a fish keep his money In the River Bank!
Pizza: the only time top-less isn't fun
What kind of magazines would the planets prefer to read? Cosmos.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Did you hear about the notebook who married a pencil? She finally found Mr. Write.
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up! Why did the blonde put a sweater on her hot dog? Because she wanted a chili dog.
Did you hear about the two cell phones that got married?
The ceremony was so so but the reception was superb.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
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