Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
Turtles love taking shell-fies.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
What did one cheese tell the other cheese on Valentine’s day?
Brie mine.
Why do Ghosts make such good company? They are full of spirit.
How do Yetis tell the time?
With a sasq-watch.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer.
What do you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman? A dead ringer.
Scientists transformed a tiger into a horse.
Don't worry, it's in a stable condition.
I ate the exam paper
Which means that sooner or later I will pass the test
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
What did the duck do after he read all these jokes?
He quacked up.
How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.
Did you hear about the potato that got its head chopped off? It was decap-potatoed.
What happens before it starts raining candy?
It sprinkles!
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
What do a crab, a lobster, and a Japanese guy run over in the middle of the road all have in common?
They're all Crushed-Asians!
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
What do ponies look for in a vehicle?
Lots of horsepower.
You know why I love bread puns? Because they never go stale.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
How did the shark plead in its murder trial?
Not gill-ty.
Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah?
He didn’t want to split hairs.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
What’s a penguin’s favorite salad?
Iceberg lettuce!
What do you call a dream when a vampire bat is chasing you?
A bat-mare.
Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
The peach couple from school is totally in love. They seem so perfect for peach other.
The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
Where do saplings go to learn?
Elementree school
Q. What did they serve with nacho cheese at stag parties?
A. Deer-itos.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
Wind turbine mechanics and engineers are very fond of the blew color!
What did the Indian kid say to his mother when she left India?
Mumbai
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
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