If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
Prague is my number one choice for a dream destination...
Dying to Czech it out
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
I was boiling vegetables in the saucepan the other day when my wife went to move it...
I said careful, it’s got a leek in it.
What happened when the kitten turned one? She had a birthday paw-ty.
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What do you call vampires bats that cheer at football games?
Bat-on-twirlers.
Can you can a canned can into an un-canned can like a canner can can a canned can into an un-canned can?
What is it called when bigger burgers fall from the sky?
Meatier showers.
Why is everyone so tired on April 1st?
Because they just finished a long 31-day long March!
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
How do you stop an Internet troll?
Seize their memes of production.
Why did some cardinals get their feathers ruffled?
The Pope gave away the church’s nest egg to the poor.
How do you shoot a three-headed ghoul?
Bang! Bang! Bang!
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
How did the struggling leaf get the job? He got the right qua-leaf-ications.
This may be corny, but you are a-maize-ing.
What did the fishermen say to the fish that swam away? "You bass-tard!"
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
Where do school-going vampires carry their books?
In bat-packs.
"Aloe you vera much."
Are you a 90 degree angle? Because this feels just right.
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son
"Beehive!"
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
Where did the independent cat decide to live? In Catalonia!
What vehicle does a grammar teacher drive?
A Syllabus.
Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
How can you tell if there is a dinosaur in bed with you? By the `D' on his pajamas.
How did the ponies stay in touch?
C-horse-pondence.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
I've always considered mountain plateaus to be the highest forms of flattery.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
"That's all, yolks."
I was waiting at the hotel's lobby when the WiFi was disconnecting from time to time.
I really hated that reception.
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
Q: What do you call a freezing bird?
A: Brrrrrrrrrdddd
Why does everyone paint Easter Eggs? Because it is a lot easier than wallpapering them.
Go to BabaMail
