What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips?
A chipmunk.
How do you make a werewolf stew?
Keep him waiting until the full moon!
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
What do you call a bee that lives in a mud hive?
An adobee!
You are in my heart, my mind, and in my entire body.
In fact, my doctor says that you must be a parasite!
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
What do you call a man who is too big for an alligator to eat?
A jawbreaker.
When does a leprechaun cross the road?
Just like everyone - when it's green!
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
What do you call a really happy ant?
Exuber-ant.
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
These book puns have tickled your spine.
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
All the girls I meet keep thinking I’m a sheep.
Every time they see me they say “Ewe”
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
Q: How is hurricane season like Christmas?
A: At some point, there’s going to be a tree inside your house.
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
Why did the pig want a divorce?
Her husband was a boar.
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette?
“They call it “Nico-tang”
What do you call a kids book about otters? Harry Otter.
You never realize how time flies when you are not wearing a watch on a plane.
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
When is a car like a frog?
When it's being toad.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
I used to have a scuba diving business
But it went under.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
The viking Rudolph the Red looked outside and proclaimed it was going to rain.
His wife asked him, “What makes you say that?”
He replied, “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
The only time a basketball team can chase a baseball team is five after nine.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?
Because it's a little meteor.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
I hear the Minotaur is really stubborn....
He's really bull-headed.
Why wouldn’t the Moon come to the Sun’s funeral?
It isn’t a mourning person
What do you call it when a giraffe swallows a toy jet?
A plane in the neck.
Which is the bar downtown that soccer players hate striking on? Crossbar.
Where do restless travelers like to go?
To Rome.
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
Don’t go bacon my heart.
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
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