What did Frankenstein say when he was struck by lightning?
Great! A jolt to the bolt!
What do you get if you cross a bat with a woodpecker?
Bat-a-tat.
What would a winged horse put in the bathtub?
A pegaLush bath bomb.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
I have an exciting new job as an explosives engineer blowing up mountains for tunnels and roads.
It's Groundbreaking work.
There is a Giant Screwdriver attacking the city. Please seek shelter immediately. This is not a drill.
What do you call it when it's raining and the sun is shining but a rainbow doesn't come out? A refrainbow.
Why did the credit card go to jail? It was guilty as charged.
When doesn’t a bull have horns?
When it’s a bullfrog.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
Just brew it!
What did the arsonist do on Valentine's day?
He met his match.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
The painter did not want to sit idle because he knew that time white for no one.
Every single person on my flight was reading at the same time.
The plane was fully booked.
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
What does Spider-man become when he joins the circus?
an aracnobat.
It is only late August, yet the leaves are already turning brown. Autumn came early this year. Orange you glad?
What do rabbits say before they eat? Lettuce pray.
How are relationships similar to algebra?
Because sometimes you look at your X and wonder Y.
Are you a keyboard? Because you are just my type.
What do you call an elephant with rotors?
A Nellie-copter.
What do you call a gangsta snowman?
Froze-T.
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
What animal would you most like to be on a cold day?
A little otter...
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
I used to make extra money by selling illegal tennis equipment on the side, but I was approached by some thugs who told me to stop.
I guess they control the Tennis Racket around here.
Why do owl babies take after their dad?
Like feather, like son.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
How do nurses and doctors keep people from lying about their medical history?
They use the de-FIB-rillator.
What do koalas use when they’re doing yard work? A wheelbearow.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
Why did Iron Man sleep outside when it rained?
To get some rust.
What do you call a lazy goat?
Billy Idle.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
"Every bunny was kung fu fighting."
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