What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies?
No, seriously. This thing is scaring the heck out me.
It’s Fall coming back to me now.
Which car is a Ghost’s favourite? It is between a Boogatti or a Rolls-Royce Phantom.
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
How did the gorilla know she was poorly? She had a belly ape.
I won an argument about weather forecasting accuracy. My fellow debater's logic was cloudy. After his defeat, he was fuming and he stormed out of the room.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
What is it called when bigger burgers fall from the sky?
Meatier showers.
When the peach lost her mother, it left a deep pit in her heart.
What did the panda say when he was forced out of his natural habitat?
This is un-bear-able.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
What do rabbits put in their computers? Hoppy disks!
What did the baby mouse do when she saw a bat?
She ran home and told her mother she saw an angel
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
I went to my backyard and saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.
It was a millennial falcon.
Why are owls so good at math?
They excel at owlgebra.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that’s draped in bacon. “A bacon tree ! We’re saved!” He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.
It wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Is it acceptable to take the epidermis from your butt and graft it onto a buddy?
Ass skin for a friend.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Why didn’t the skull go to the dentist?
It was too-th late.
Why couldn't anyone see the flamingo? It was in de skies.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
The artist successfully climbed the highest peak in the country. He attributed his success to the song, 'Paint No Mountain Higher!'
What did the pastry cook say when he was making the cake?
Bat-a-cake. Bat-a-cake.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
What did the Japanese skeleton put in his sushi?
Bone-ito flakes.
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
Why did the penguin enter the theatre?
He wanted to go into snow business
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
What do Spanish speaking people prefer to travel in groups of 2 or 4?
No tres-passing.
What do you can a kangaroo covered in tape?
Hopscotch
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
Ireland always leaves me wanting Moher.
Why are there no penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
I can’t believe that during the attempted murder, John Crow, Russel Crow and Sheryl Crow were all in the room.
Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
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