What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
What kind of spells do leprechauns use?
Lucky Charms!
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
Whenever I hear folksy stories about the hills, I can never get over them.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks.
It was very carefully orca-strated.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
My girlfriend wants to open a yoga studio, even though she currently cannot afford it.
I told her it's a bit of a stretch.
Why is it a bad idea to swallow toothpaste?
Because you’ll destroy your stomach cavity!
The classiest indoor tennis facilities serve bubble tea.
Where do folks from Bilbao, Spain buy outdoor equipment?
The Basque Pro Shop.
What do you call a girl who is standing directly in the middle of the court? Annette.
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
What name does Santa Claus use when he takes a break from delivering gifts? Santa Pause!
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
What does Harry Potter use when sealing packages?
His Parceltongue.
It’s snow joke.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
The mom to the naughty vampire said to him, “Watch your battitude, that is not how you talk to your elders.”
Why did the bear quit his second job?
Because he needed some koalaty time with his family.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
The cat’s out of the bag – I love you purry much.
What’s the first line of the pig bible? “In the bacon-ing…”
Happy Valentine's Day!
I hope your day starts off with a bang!
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
What position does a ghoul play on the soccer team?
Ghoulie!
Sorry, I'm octopied.
How do bats greet a friend?
With a sound wave.
Crows have 16 feather pinions and ravens have 17 pinions. It's just a matter of a pinion.
Footballers love one specific type of tea; penal-tea.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
I got an e-mail saying “At Google Earth, we can even read maps backwards”, and I thought...
“That’s just spam.”
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
How do you get down off a horse?
You don’t, you get down off a duck.
Q. How do the doe and stag open the entry to their vacation cabin in the woods?
A. They just turn the deer knob.
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