Why did Frosty the snowman want a divorce?
Because he thought his wife was a flake.
The green light at the road signal looked at the red light and said, "Don't look while I am changing".
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
Did you hear about the 2 apes that kept fighting with each other?
It was gorilla warfare.
"Be kind, re-wine."
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
He knew literally everything about the constellations. Some might even say that his knowledge of the night sky was astronomical.
I have a question for people who take the bus...
Are you supposed to give it back?
What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.
Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert!
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
A Blueberry asked a strawberry to go to hell.
That was berry rude of him
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts.
If you don’t have a lot of figurines from Ancient Greek mythology, I can give you a mini tour.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
What did the squirrel say to its baby before it had to leave?
I'm gonna go out on a limb here.
Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.
How do you get a raise at the bread factory?
Butter up your boss.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano.
There was once a mountain biker who murdered everyone in his path because he was a clinical cycle-path!
What is a naughty beavers' favorite type of wood ever? Knotty pine.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
What vehicle does T-Rex use to go from planet to planet? A Dinosaucer
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
Who led the Jews across a semi-permeable membrane?
OsMoses.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Who else is a famous barnyard painter?
Pablo PIGcaso
How does a goblin eat a hotdog?
By goblin it.
That’s a-may-zing!
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
Why didn’t the horse buy a house?
The costs were mounting.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What happened when the werewolf swallowed a clock?
He got ticks.
I'm still figuring out how to properly wear a face covering. Before I could master the art I was robbed of my beloved mask...
It was stolen from right under my nose.
Now that it's summer, we've got to seas the day!
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
So I was in the library when this cute girl came up and asked to borrow my external hard drive
It was at this point I realized she wanted the (D:)
What’s a missionary’s favorite kind of car?
A convertible.
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
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