When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
Which legend lived in a shack? Was it Eddy? No, Ma-hovel-ich!
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
Why is the moon a wanted criminal?
It’s constantly mooning people.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
When do chickens go to bed?
Half past hen!
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
I was walking by a yard sale the other day.
I saw a radio for $1. The volume dial was broken but I knew I couldn’t turn that down.
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
Who called it a goat petting zoo...
and not Close Encounters of the Herd Kind?
Dialysis is a blood bath.
What is the opposite of Chocolate? Chocoearly.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
When I was in basic training we couldn't have salt or pepper.
Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
Long time no sea.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
What trees do ghouls like best?
Ceme-trees!
What's the tastiest part of a floppy disk?
The cookie!
What do you see at a funeral for a piece of fruit? Apple-bearer.
Q: What anime series do fruits like to watch?
A: One peach.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
Did you hear about the gorilla that was from Vietnam?
He was a viet kong.
What kind of magazine does a rock like to read?
Rolling Stone.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
What Christmas carol do they sing in the desert? O' Camel ye faithful.
Metaphors be with you.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
A tutor who tooted the flute tried to teach two young tooters to toot. Said the two to the tutor, ‘Is it harder to toot, or to tutor two tooters to toot?
If you want to vacation in Italy, don't be afraid to Rome around.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
I knew a guy that got struck by lightning twice.
It was a re-volting scene.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
What is a crocodiles favourite dessert?
Brandy snaps.
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
"Have an eggs-tra special Easter day."
Wondering what crows wear during Halloween, well, they wear caw-stumes.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
I'm currently dating a famous soccer player. He's so loving and caring towards me.
He's a keeper.
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
Sheena leads, Sheila needs.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play?
A mouse organ!
Go to BabaMail
