What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
Why are spiders such great volleyball players? Because they have an amazing topspin.
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
I used to search for clams on the beach
But then I pulled a mussel.
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
Man: "I’ve had really bad gas lately." Doctor: D"on’t worry, it will pass."
I warned farmer Brown not to pamper that cow too much because it would wind up giving spoiled milk.
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
Q. Why was the baby gorilla such a big brat?
A. Because his parents are big apes.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
I tried to catch the fog.
But I mist.
Have you heard about the guy who stole a truck carrying supplies of disinfectant? Police say he made a clean getaway.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
After graduating from high school, crows go to caw-lleges for further studies.
What did the grape say when the Koala stood on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
To get with the times, Grammar Nazi's have changed their name.
They now prefer to go by Alt-writists.
One smart fellow, he felt smart.
Two smart fellows, they felt smart.
Three smart fellows, they felt smart.
Four smart fellows, they felt smart.
Five smart fellows, they felt smart.
Six smart fellows, they felt smart.
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
Why did the tricycle not hang out with the bicycles?
It felt like a third wheel
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital.
He was on a fairway to heaven.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
How did the beaver build the insides of a dam using logs? He logged in.
A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything!”
What did daddy ghoul say to his youngest son?
Stop ghouling around!
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
Why did the chicken join a band?
Because it already had drumsticks.
Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Because vacuum cleaner cords aren’t long enough.
Struggle with your Children's Math homework?
Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
What is suns favorite chocolate bar?
A milky way.
French fries aren’t cooked in France
They’re cooked in greece.
What do you call a white skinned gorilla?
Honkey Kong.
What do you call a Rabbi who works with solvents?
An acidic Jew.
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
"Time to wine down."
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
Irish you were beer.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
How are a volleyball coach and a dentist similar? They both use drills.
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
My mother's mother lost her false teeth at the retirement home. We searched the place everywhere but couldn't find them.
We looked in every nook and granny!
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
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