Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
How do you make a rabbit float? Put soda, syrup, and milk into a glass. Add one rabbit.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
I was she-shocked when my pet turtle died.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
What did the orange do the night before the exam?
He put his nose to the “g-rind-stone” and read the entire textbook.
Computers can be very good at golf because of their hard drives.
Why did the Ghosts win the soccer match? They scored more Ghouls.
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
I am lucky to live in an airport, but whenever the guard comes out at night, Heathrows me out.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
If there's a bee in my hand, then what's in my eye?
Beauty.
Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
What did the bat say when she was invited to dinner?
No, fangs. I just ate.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
What do you call a clever ant?
Brilli-ant.
At a get-together, one fruit asked another "I was wondering how have you been". The other replied "Just peachy, isn't that grape?"
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
Why did the run-on sentence think it was pregnant? Its period was late.
A guy walks into the doctors office complaining of rectal pain, upon examination, the doctor exclaims "Buddy, theres a piece of lettuce coming out of your butt!"
The guy looks to the doctor and says "thats only the tip of the iceburg!"
Did you hear about the banana who went to the doctor's because he wasn't peeling very well?
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
It's a-boat time for a holiday!
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
I get beavers and similar animals mixed up.
I otter know better.
What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?
The centaur of attention.
I was watching a movie when the screen started to emit blue light. Guess this is one of the cons of watching movies on Blue Ray.
What trees do ghouls like best?
Ceme-trees!
Why do words and punctuation end up in court? To be sentenced.
What did one beaver say to the other at the river? Dam it.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
Why are vampire families always so close knit?
Because blood is thicker than water.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
I am reading a horror story in Braille.
Someone is going die, I can feel it.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
I was going to make another mountain pun but I can't think of summit.
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
How did the ponies stay in touch?
C-horse-pondence.
Red wasn't feeling very well for the past few weeks. He has been diagnosed with scarlet fever.
Go to BabaMail
