Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
Why did the volleyball player not want to travel? Because he had been there and dug that.
What do you call an otter with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
Where do fish sleep? In a river bed
How do you learn more about spiders that live in the rainforest? Check out their web site!
Do you know what is the actual difference between hell and hill? It is only a fine line.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
A new bakery in town began ding extremely well. They said that business was definitely on the rise.
What kind of tea does Billy like?
Ability.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
What did the flower say to his wife when he brought her home a present?
I hope thistle cheer you up.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
What did Neil Armstrong say when people didn't laugh at his moon jokes?
"I guess you had to be there."
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
What do golf and se* have in common?
They’re two things you can enjoy even if you’re bad at both of them.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinselitis!
How would you describe a pun about a pun?
They're pun-ishingly bad!
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
Up to snow good.
She stood on the balcony, inexplicably mimicking him hiccuping, and amicably welcoming him in.
Dad, are we pyromaniacs?
Yes, we arson.
The bowling solder decided to launch a pre-emptive strike.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Giraffe: The highest form of animal life.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
I do wonder why my flamingo friends always do so well in tests and exams. After all, they always just wing it.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
What are crisp, like milk and go 'eek, eek, eek' when you eat them? Mice Krispies!
A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
Ireland is a little lamb-boyant.
A bit late but here goes anyway: what do you call the elf who checks Santa's grammar?
A subordinate claus!
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