What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar? Lookin' Sharp.
What do you get if you cross a pelican and zebra? Two streets further away.
Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
Do you know what a beavers' favorite snack is? Wood chips.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
My favorite music is by Spandau Croc-quet.
Why do leaves change color in the fall? Because they want to leaf their old color.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
What's an inmates favorite place to hangout? At the bars.
What would a winged horse play in a band?
The pegabass guitar.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
I'm fondue you, it's true
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What should you do when you see Frankenstein walking towards you?
Make a bolt for it.
Why did the cranberries turn red?
They saw the turkey dressing!
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
I was watching a movie when the screen started to emit blue light. Guess this is one of the cons of watching movies on Blue Ray.
You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
Where did the Flopper work in the offseason? At Dominik's Hat-Check.
German tourist visits France.
Guy at the Airport: "Nationality?"
German Dude: "German".
Airport Guy: "Occupation?"
German Dude: "Nein, nein, Only Vacation".
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was InTents.
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
Life's a beach. Enjoy the waves.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
I like rivers very much. I was watching a live stream earlier.
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
I warned farmer Brown not to pamper that cow too much because it would wind up giving spoiled milk.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What’s a vampire’s favorite Shakespeare play?
A Midsummer Bite’s Dream.
Why should you never eat the fish in France?
Because it's poisson.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?
They dribble all the time.
How do llamas say “Merry Christmas” in Spanish?
Fleece Navidad.
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
The strawberry went out with the grape only because he couldn't find a date.
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