Why do bananas like to use sunscreen?
Because they peel!
Q. What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A. A walkie talkie!
When does soil get rich?
When mother nature makes it rain.
Once I told a joke about mosquitos...
It was malarious.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
What is a cat’s favorite book? The Princess and the Paw-per.
What do witches in Australia ride?
Broomerangs.
I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.
When I woke up I realized it was just a bream.
What does Bigfoot do to relax in his spare time?
He goes bird squatching!
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
How do astronauts prepare for a birthday party
They planet.
Does anything come after April A?
May B!
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
Did you hear about the sheep's jousting tournament?
It was a real baa-lancing act.
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
How do Penguins drink their cola?
On the rocks.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
The little boy autumn-bled over the pile of fallen leaves and yellow-d for help.
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
What did one eyeball say to the other?
Between you and me, something smells.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
What kind of bread does a racehorse eat?
Thoroughbred.
How does a koala get from one place to another? On a gondkoala.
Don't get too close to a vampire, they have a serious case of bat breath.
I am disappointed that you are taking such a closed-stance on my footwork advice.
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
I asked my husband to please press pause on the movie We were watching.
He called the dog over for the task, wanted to press his paws.
What kind of car does a sheep drive?
A LAMBorghini
Need an Ark?
I Noah guy.
You should call us butter because we are on a roll. This would be one of the best volleyball puns to put on a T-shirt.
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other “we missed the bus!!”
How do bats line up in school?
In alpha-bat-ical order.
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
The skeleton didn't mind that everyone called him a bonehead.
What’s black and white and stands in the corner?
A naughty panda.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?
"Do not consume if seal is broken."
What keeps ghouls happy?
The knowledge that every shroud has a silver lining!
What do you call glia when it is happy?
Smyelin.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
What is a beaver's most favorite drama series ever? Riverdale.
What did the deer say to his sulky friend?
“Buck up!”
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!
Does anyone remember the joke about the sodium deposits? Na.
My boss brought bagels for breakfast and asked me which one I wanted. I said "give me one of the Spanish bagels". He responded " One of the Spanish Bagels?"
"Ay poppy."
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