What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
Why did Princess Leia lose all her friends and family?
She got involved with Alderaan people.
Did you guys hear about that 14-year old virgin girl who got pregnant after receiving the flu vaccine?
Sounds like an inoculate conception.
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
What do you call a squirrel with no nuts?
A female squirrel.
What did the shark say to the whale?
What are you blubbering about?
What do you call a goat that lip-syncs?
Billy Vanilli.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
“I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.”
I love when you coddle me.
My deaf girlfriend just told me, “We need to talk.”
That is not a good sign.
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
How busy was the donuts day? It was jam packed!
Q. Which country was founded by wild gorillas?
A. The Banana Republic.
What did the little goats say when they were caught playing a prank on the sheep?
Sorry, we were just kidding.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
Some see a puddle of mosquito larva.
I see a pool of enbitenment.
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
What time should I book the court? Let’s shoot for around tennish.
Some airplanes are so cramped that at the end of the trip, you suffer jet leg.
Why do Communists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
Why did one camel spit and stomp when the other camel stole its cheese?
Because they’re “dramadairies”
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
My DJ friend took my advice and simplified his salad recipe.
he dropped the beet.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
To resolve the internal issues at the office, crows involved their cawnflict mediators.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
Happy Valentine's Day!
I hope your day starts off with a bang!
Thunderstorms are shrewd investors. They put their money in a combination of frozen and liquid assets.
I do wonder why my flamingo friends always do so well in tests and exams. After all, they always just wing it.
I had a rainbow for lunch. I'm trying to eat light.
Q: What did the sign for the party for beavers say?
A: Beaver or be square.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
When one of them have a birthday, turtles call for a shell-ebration.
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
What is the camels’ favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpty dumpty.
What did one raindrop say to the other raindrop?
“My plop is bigger than your plop.”
Do you know the band 1023 megabytes?
They haven't had a gig yet.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
What's as big as a dinosaur but weighs nothing? Her shadow!
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