I had never seen a horse that white. Perhaps, that is why it is called a mayo-neighs.
I guess I’m going to France
Because I have nothing Toulouse.
Chuck berry was undoubtedly the greatest rock and roll strawberry.
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
I tried to start a soccer club so I put up some posters on a local bulletin board.
Just to get the ball rolling.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.
What do you call the door to a chicken barn?
The hen-trance.
In a romantic date, Romeo says to Juliette “Baby! You are the pineapple of my eyes!”
Be-leaf me, you look great in green.
What do you call a kangaroo sanctuary?
A kazoo.
What do we call a scientist who specializes in pineapples? He might be called a pineappleologist!
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
What's a Koalas favorite drink? Coca Koala!
Which monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein.
Say this aloud: Eye Yam Stew Peed
I once tried crossing a flamingo with a cement mixer. Sounds crazy, but I really wanted a good brick layer.
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
The big cat was known around town to wear a lot of funky ties. Everyone called him the tie-ger.
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
What does Santa often say to Mrs Claus? Come and look at the rain-dear.
When is Monday coming?
MonSoon!
My mind works like lightning.
One brilliant flash and it's gone.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
Why did Saint Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?
They were causing mass hiss-teria!
A man has been arrested in South Africa for shooting a giant chess set
What's wrong with those big game hunters?!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
"Check, mate."
"Checkmate."
"Hey! Can I get the check, mate?!?"
Where can you read about planets exploding?
In the orbituaries.
Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor!
Who is the second coolest man in hospital?
The hip replacement guy!
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
Where can you find a bunch of clowns who deserve to be in jail? Silly Con Valley.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.
What do you call a Triceratops who scores his first goal? Dino- score!
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
"Happy eggster."
Why did the mouse stay inside?
Because it was raining cats and dogs.
Go to BabaMail
