What is a cat's favorite color in the rainbow? Purrrrrple of course.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.
I got in a fight with a crab yesterday.
When I punched him he ran, goon.
Why did the toddler chew on pebbles? He wanted to eat rock candy.
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
What's the sweetest moment in a hockey game? When they're icing the puck.
The injured player wanted to congratulate the winner, but he couldn’t walkover to the other side of the court.
What do you call a werewolf escapologist?
Hairy Houdini.
What did the witch say when the door-to-door broom salesman showed her a vacuum.
I don't want an automatic. I want a stick shift!
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
If volleyball were easy, they would call it football.
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
Why did the whisky divorce the glass?
Their marriage was on the rocks!
“What do you call an elf that runs away from Santa’s Workshop? A rebel without a Claus.”
If you cross a bee and a lizard, you'll get a blizzard!
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
What do you call a rock that never goes to school? A skipping stone!
Sea you at the beach.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
Q. How do the doe and stag open the entry to their vacation cabin in the woods?
A. They just turn the deer knob.
A pessimistic pest exists amidst us.
The artist shouldn't have taken that sculpture for granite, now it's stone-cold.
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
What is the cutest car?
A BM-cuddle-U
My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God, and I didn’t.
What happened when Turbo lost his shell? He began to feel sluggish.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
What do you call a baby potato? Tater tots!
Last week, I met someone who specialized in the studies of shrubs and grasses. He called himself Neil De-grass-y Tyson!
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
What are the best mushrooms to have with a jacket potato? Button mushrooms!
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
"We found eggs in a hopeless place."
If dolphins lived on land, which country would they live in?
Finland!
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice burg-ers.
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
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