What’s the only type of melon that changes colours at will? Well, a chamelon.
Which side of a koala bear has the most fur? The outside!
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
After watching me read “War and Peace”, my son asked me, “Dad, why is the book so thick?”
Me: Well, it’s a long story.
What do you call four Spanish guys in a capsized boat?
Quatro sinko.
In the history of bowling, there is one bowler who floats like a butterfly and stings pretty much like a bee. His name is Muhammad Alley.
Why is learning to ski in France so difficult?
'Cause sometimes they won't Alp you.
It’s raining cats and dogs today - I just hope it doesn’t rain deer!
I loaf you a lot.
Let’s go to bread.
You must be copper and terillium because you are Cu-Te
I saw a squirrel running in circles in my yard today…
I think it lost its nuts.
Why did you guys not laugh at my space puns? Because there way to Sirius.
Seven days without playing soccer can make one weak.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset!
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
I’m not a bad putter…
I just can’t catch a break.
If you are wondering about the most important constitutional right of a peach citizen, well, it's none other than freedom of peach.
Did you hear about the short-sighted frog?
He had to go to the Hopthalmologist.
How did the cowboy greet the equestrian?
Howdy Neigh-bor.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
Tigers are bad at basketball because they have only four feet.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
How will you come to know when the moon will go broke? It would happen when moon is down to its last quarter.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He’s the Easter Bungee!
What do you get when two giraffes run into each other?
A giraffic jam.
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
A woman bought a rooster, wanting to hear it crow.
However, it turns out the rooster was mute, so she was out of cluck.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
How did the serve know when the bad serve was not with the hand? The server knew it was the foot fault.
No, I'm not concerned about crows infesting my house...
It's actually just a mynah problem.
I asked my Spanish girlfriend to make a to-do list
so she wrote down everything.
Hey summer, long time no sea!
The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
I just found out that Mercedes is donating state-of-the-art street sweepers to some of the largest cities around the world to help fight littering.
They're calling it Mercedes-clenz.
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
Last night I was but by a bloodsucker from the moon.
Damn lunatics.
Why won't the dog listen to the farmer's sheep jokes?
He's herd them all.
It was mitten in the stars.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Beaver Y.
Beaver Y. who?
Bea-ver-y quiet, you are in a library.
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
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