Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
What’s a tree’s favorite dating site?
Timber.
Local restaurant has kangaroo loin and it’s actually pretty good
It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.
“I don’t find health-related puns funny anymore since I started suffering from an irony deficiency.”
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Count Duckula.
Why should you never eat the fish in France?
Because it's poisson.
What’s the best dessert to serve at a St. Patrick’s Day party?
Paddy cake!
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
If art became imprisoned we'd have to Freda art.
My exotic bird challenged me to a game of chess
I told him, "Toucan play at that game."
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
Any proof that Saturn married more than once? Well, he do has a lot of rings.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
Why was the penguin so annoying?
Because he was always fishing for complements.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
If you're alone and get too cold, you might become ice-olated.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
Maternity ward nurse asked my wife if she needed to go to the bathroom.
She says, "yeah, I could stand to pee."
I said, "No, you should probably still sit so it doesn't get everywhere."
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
Why did Oreo go to the dentist? …
Because he lost his filling!
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
She had a photographic memory but never developed it.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
Paleontologists found the world's oldest toothbrush.
They believe it came from the Flossiraptor.
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball.
Why was the bucket so embarrassed at the beach?
Because of how pail it was.
If the wooden face mask was popularized by Jacques Plante, was the wooden
cup made popular by Jock Plank?
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
What do you call the worlds smallest violin?
Hard to play.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bat breath.
I'm the life of the paddy.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
Why did the River need Jesus? It was dammed.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
Go to BabaMail
