What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
Basketball is the only sport where the basket is filled but never gets full.
I knew a submarine sailor who wasn't very talkative or energetic
He was a subdued sub dude.
I lost my cat in a snowstorm!
But he should be fine because he's a cool cat.
Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
What can you only drink in the Middle East? Dust-Tea.
Why are frogs good at baseball?
Because they catch a lot of fly balls.
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
Where does a tiger sleep?
Anywhere he wants to!
I was arrested by the grammar police for not using the full stop correctly.
I am now looking at a long sentence.
The nurse in the hospital gave me an entire crate of the wrong medicine AND it was outdated! I almost died!
I got a bad case of poison I.V.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
What can one parrot do?
Not as much as toucan.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?
It got lockjaw.
How does a werewolf make bechamel sauce?
They start with a rooooooooouuuuuuuux.
My Gourd, Autumn is so fall of herself!
Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile? Because he was a juve'nile.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
Why did the lettuce and the mushroom break up? The lettuce was pretty but the mushroom did not have much room for her in his life.
Q: What's a tornado's favorite game?
A: Twister
What do you call a crocodile that keeps breaking the law?
A crookadile.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Who is king of all the mice?
Mouse Tse Tung!
How would you describe a pun about a pun?
They're pun-ishingly bad!
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
Irish you luck.
The beaver offered some freshly streamed buns to his guests.
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
What do Ghosts suffer from? Saturday fright fever.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
While breaking up with Princess Peach, Mario said "You are so peachy, I can't take it anymore".
What does a cheese say when you ask him to share a secret?
He cantal.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
What are a golfer’s favorite flowers?
Fore-get-me-nots.
Nurse: Wow, that cut looks pretty bad...want me to stitch it up for you?
Me: No, thanks.
Nurse: Fine. Suture self.
What do you call an attractive, Jewish lemon with no worldly possessions?
An aesthetic ascetic acidic Hasidic.
Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
When do chickens go to bed?
Half past hen!
What is a worm's favorite band? Mud.
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