What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
I was astonished when my shirt's color changed from red to pink after a wash. Guess it showed me its true colors.
What do you get if you cross a witch with a werewolf?
A mad dog that chases airplanes!
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
The ruddy widow really wants ripe watermelon and red roses when winter arrives.
They say March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. Ewe might say it leaves sheepishly.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
The favourite day of the week for wolves is moonday.
I got camping insurance....but if someone steals my tent in the middle of the night....
I'm no longer covered.
Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
She was no spring chicken.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
"Just one hot chick."
How did the skeletons make s’mores when they went camping?
They made them on the bone-fire.
What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
What did the angry artist say? Don't get me arted!
Why didn't the frog park on the side of the road?
He was afraid of getting toad.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Why did the dolphin blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom!
What did one witch's cat say to the other?
You look familiar.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever ?
What do you call an alligator who is wearing crocs on his feet?
A traitor.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
What is the name of the final exam you take when studying bird law? The crow bar.
I think you’re incredi-bowl.
Why was the crow on the telephone wire? To make a long-distance caw.
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
Q: Why does it smell bad when you destroy fans?
A: Because you’re breaking wind.
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
Q: Why did the tornado take a break?
A: Because it ran out of wind!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
Be careful! Theres a deadly fruit on the loose
He has 7 charges of armed Strawbbery.
"Be kind, re-wine."
I lub dub you with all my heart.
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
I hate it when planes don't have free WiFi.
It drives me bored air line crazy.
Where do rabbits learn how to fly? In the hare force!
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
I met a French vampire who had an attention deficit problem. We called him Drac..ooh la la!
What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus!
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
Treat yo'elf.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
What does a mommy cherry say to her children? I love you cherry much.
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