What happened to the skier who was injured the the top of the peak?
It's been all downhill from there.
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white?
Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
What is the only American State that has ever been married?
Mrs. Ippi.
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
What do you call an ant from overseas?
Import-ant.
Why don't skeletons play baseball?
Because they don't have the heart for it.
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
Where did the duck go when he was sick? A:
To the ducktor.
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
A monster terrorized a village.
He kept doing it ogre and ogre again...
How do ghosts wash their hair? Sham-boo.
What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Have you ever tried to write your own puns?
It's a fairly difficult pun-dertaking!
Why was the orange the valedictorian of her class?
She was the zest in class.
If you see a deer without antlers acting crazy, don’t eat it without cooking it first.
Everyone knows you can’t eat raw kooky doe.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
Q. How does a tree get on the computer?
A. It logs on!
If a cat broke your computer...
Would it be that an error has o-purred ?
What's the Kraken gonna give you that'll make you laugh uncontrollably?
Ten Tickles!
I have a heart-on for you.
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
I whale-y like you.
Got a pet zebra, didn’t realise how hungry they are. He eats like a horse.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym? Hard core.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
I pitcher us together forever.
Where do rocks like to sleep? In bedrocks!
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
Where does Santa stay when he goes on vacation? At a ho-ho-ho-tel.
I’m ready to shamrock and roll.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
How do you save a drowning mouse? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
When one of them have a birthday, turtles call for a shell-ebration.
The guy who invented throat lozenges died last week.
There was no coffin at the funeral.
How do pirates prefer to communicate?
Aye to aye!
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Go to sweep, dear.
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
This rainbow is on its last legs, it's really hanging by a red.
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
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