We’re calling your number.
Two metal workers got married....
It was a beautiful welding.
I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
What happened when the bear applied at the movie theater?
He was told he was not koala-fied.
Where do you take a sick pony?
To the horse-pital.
What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic.
Don’t go bacon my heart.
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
What do koalas do when they’re facing a tough situation? They grin and bear it.
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
You know, I didn't kiss my wife until I was married...
because she wasn't my wife until we were married.
The painting was framed, so the cops arrested it.
I made a snap decision to watch football today
The moon landing is obviously fake.
The moon is clearly still up there.
These aren't your mom's puns, these are your sisters puns. Tam-puns
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
A munchkin.
I followed my heart to you.
There is no glory in practice, but without practice there can be no glory. This volleyball pun is very inspirational. For you to do your best, you have to be willing to practice.
What does an obstinate piglet always say to his mama?
“Sow what?”
A woman bought a rooster, wanting to hear it crow.
However, it turns out the rooster was mute, so she was out of cluck.
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
No matter how much she trimmed the particular strand of grass, the unruly grass kept on growing- what a grass-cal!
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
Why do Bigfoots like to tell jokes?
Because they're killer comedians.
Baby flamingos really are badly behaved. I think it’s because their parents never put their foot down.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
What’s a skeleton’s next favorite rock band?
Bone Jovi.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
McDonald’s fired CEO Steve Easterbrook has already got a new job at Old McDonalds farm.
He's their CIEIO.
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
I'm looking to sell my DeLorean. Good shape, low mileage...
Only driven from time to time.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
My Japanese dentist became a woman.
He’s a trans zen dentalist.
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
Why are rabbits so lucky? They have four rabbit’s feet.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye? Doyouthinkhesawus
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
What do you call a hospital ward full of epeliptic vegetables?
Seizure salad
What does Willow Smith say to her pets? I whip my hare back and forth.
What mouse was a Roman emperor?
Julius Cheeser!
What does a mosquito say to greet his girlfriend?
"M'laria."
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth today
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.
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