Whats a bad flower pick-up line?
Lets put our tulips together?
Why did Larry the lizard leave his lover longing?
he had ... a reptile dysfunction
You can catch a lot of flies with honey
But you'll catch more honeys being fly.
Why don’t oranges go around blind?
“Because they take Vitamin See!”
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
I told my husband that the National Zoo's sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies. He said "now she's guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony."
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
"Now he's just some bunny that I used to know."
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
Two fish are swimming in a river, when one of them hits a concrete wall. He turns to the other and says: "Dam"
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
What’s the difference between Spring Break and Summer Break?
Jumping on the bed won’t make a Summer Break.
What happened when Turbo lost his shell? He began to feel sluggish.
What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Lily.
Q: What do you call a weatherman who farts while he pees?
A. Rain with a little wind and thunder.
There was news of a snowstorm. It arrived white on time.
A team may be talented, but there is no substitute to this, no train no gain!
Mom, what do we have for dinner? I cannot tell you, son, it is a soup-rise! Is it soup? I soup-pose it would be.
Wayne went to Wales to watch walruses.
What kind of ant is good at math?
An account-ant.
What do you call police obsessed with keeping good grass?
Lawn-Forcement
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
Rory the warrior and Roger the worrier were reared wrongly in a rural brewery.
We’ve made a jig mistake, don’t you a-green?
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
During the pandemic, all the children asked to draw pictures of the different types of grass. The children had to submit their grass-essments online.
What is a corn's favorite song?
Corn fields forever.
I'm out bird watching with Sinead O'Connor....
so far it´s been 7 owls and 15 jays.
What sound does a bouncy plane make?
Boeing.
I feel pretty shore this is going to be the best summer yet.
What is red, white, and blue over winter break?
A sad candy cane.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
What do you call it when a raven marries a crow? A conspiracy to commit to murder.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
Why did the bee get married?
She found her honey.
My grandfather recently passed, and I discovered in his journal that he has an immense hatred for sloths, pandas, and koala bears. Looking back, it was obvious.
He was always going on about those darn tree-huggers.
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