Why was the orange feeling sad?
It lost its zest for life.
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl.
They named her Paige, and they just couldn't put her down.
What would you get if you'd put a lawyer in a suit? A lawsuit.
What do you call the Greek God of Mexican chickens?
Apollo
Witch fall flavor is your favorite?
What did the alligator say to the other alligator that was in the way?
“Please move, I need to get bayou.”
Whatever you do this summer, be sure to make a splash.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
I hate it when the grammar Nazis single me out.
It seems like a which hunt.
Come witch me to the party.
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
What Do Ducks Have With Soup?
Quackers
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
Who put the Howl in Halloween?
Not ghouls just the people they ate!
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
What is the best period of a bee's relationship?
The honeymoon.
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? To hatchet.
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
Did you expect to laugh at puns?
No, but they've groan on me!
Six slimy snails sailed silently.
Did you hear about the negative nelly who hates German sausage?
He always fears the wurst.
What do you drive in a river? An otter-mobile.
What did the doctor say to the nurse that was attractive to the patient with the staph infection?
"Why are you so abscess-ed with him?"
My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making monster puns.
So I guess our relationship might as well be ogre.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Where do crabs invest their money?
A sea bank.
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?
So he could get crow cane from his vet.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
What’s the worst thing about a bread pun?
It tends to get stale.
The cawllarborne of the skinny crow was so pronounced.
The moon landing is obviously fake.
The moon is clearly still up there.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Sleeping is so easy
I can do it with my eyes closed.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
I came across an injured flamingo the other day. I tried to help, but luckily it was already receiving medical tweetment.
A priest is the best catch for a tiger as they like to prey.
Why did Comic Sans divorce Times New Roman? He just wasn’t her type.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
How do the cool camels say hello?
"How you dune?"
What happens when you blend sulfur, tungsten and silver together? SWAG.
How can you tell where the Easter Bunny left his treasure
Eggs marks the spot.
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