What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
Volcanoes are rude! They are always int-erupt-ing.
Our backstage manager is leaving at the end of the year. He has been an outstanding member of our theatre team.
Props to him.
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
What’s the silliest name you can give a tiger?
Spot.
What’s the difference between Jesus and pizza?
Jesus can’t be topped.
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
Why did Billy make a bunch of snowmen to be his friends?
Because he wanted to hang with the cool kids!
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
What did mama bread say to her kids?
It’s way past your breadtime!
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
Today my son drew a picture of a kangaroo without a body.
I couldn't make heads or tails of it.
How do you make a rabbit float? Put soda, syrup, and milk into a glass. Add one rabbit.
What do you call a boy swimming at the beach?
Buoyancy.
My deaf girlfriend just told me, “We need to talk.”
That is not a good sign.
A trip to Ireland always lifts my spirits.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase."
I remember asking my dad repeatedly what the acronym LGBTQ meant.
I never got a straight answer.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
Wind energy is so popular. It has a lot of fans.
What is the ocean’s favorite lullaby?
Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat.
What do cows like to eat for lunch?
Moo-shroom soup
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
What do you get when a dinosaur sneezes? Out of the way!
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue.
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
It's really easy to learn white water kayaking
You just go with the flow.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
Where do you find giant snails?
At the end of a giant’s finger.
What do you call a chicken that was struck by lightning?
Air fried.
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
Good gourd, pumpkin spice latte season is officially here.
Did you see that all the snow and ice are melting?
I thaw!
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
Witches are always wand-ering around…
What did the bowl of soup write on their Valentine?
I love you pho real.
What’s a mouse favourite family sitcom?
Full Mouse.
I like you a latte.
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