Why did the blonde volleyball player end up getting fired from her waitressing job? Someone said she needed to serve the food.
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...
"Swarm."
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
What do you call a Yeti Gardener?
A hairy potter.
Did you hear about the bird that couldn’t pass environmental legislation?
He was a lame duck.
Q: How do you call a magic berry?
A: Cherry Potter.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
Treat yo shelves.
What do you say when you want a kiss from a flower?
Plant one on me.
I'm still figuring out how to properly wear a face covering. Before I could master the art I was robbed of my beloved mask...
It was stolen from right under my nose.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time? You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
Today, we had to create a new hang position for some lighting fixtures. After all day trying, we couldn't get the new batten hung properly.
Turns out it was just a pipe dream.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
What did the player on the Bumblebee basketball team say after making a foul shot?
Hive Scored!
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
"Be kind, re-wine."
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One thing you never want to do is divorce a butcher.
That would be a huge missed steak.
What is a vampire’s favorite sport?
Casketball.
A gazillion gigantic grapes gushed
gradually giving gophers gooey guts.
The graphic designer's present company gave her a substantial raise while a rival company also gave a similar offer. I am now caught in hue minds!
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
Why did the detectives suddenly appear at the concert at the beach?
Something fishy was going on.
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
What do the astronauts put on their lunch toast? Space jam.
What happened when the kid got confused with beavers and coypus in the exam? He said, " I otter know better."
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired?
Because he couldn't keep his calves together!
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
If two witches were watching two watches: which witch would watch which watch?
In the Camel Kingdom, the king and his family live in the Camelot castle.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
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