Round and round the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
What did the horse say when it saw a sheepdog?
“Why is your furlong?”
The shark and the computer are so alike. They both have and use their megabytes.
Why didn't the sentence have a period?
Because it was pregnant.
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
My mom is a metalurgist
I asked her the other day: "Which metal do you prefer to work with? Gold or silver?"
She said: "Either ore."
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children.
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
A ship load of red paint crashed into a ship load of blue paint. The crews were marooned.
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white? Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
We were having lunch with my wife's parents. Her father asked if she and I were still going to a concert later that night. He asked, "Are you guys going out?"
I said, "actually, we're married".
What will you get if you cross a tiger and a watchdog? A terrified watchman.
What sound do hedgehogs make when they kiss?
Ouch
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
Did you know that old bowlers do not die? They simply end up in gutters.
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
You’re my #1 pick.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
What are the cat police called? The claw Enforcement.
Which birds go to church a lot?
Birds of pray.
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
You’re the cutest clover in the patch.
If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head because it's capsized.
What do you call a well-dressed ant?
Eleg-ant.
I’m ready to shamrock and roll.
Did you know you can hear the blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
What do you call a nervous baby ant?
A little antsy.
The guy missed both his serves on match point. I won by de-fault.
What do you call a weather man that destroys dinosaurs?
A meteorologist
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
What did the baby rabbit say before his favorite holiday? I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny to visit.
What did the flower say when he saw his date?
I think you’re dandy, and I’m not lion!
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
A certain Leafs right-winger was sued by the Louisiana government. He was
Owen N'awlins.
I just got my degree in Sky Diving.
I had to drop out to graduate.
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
What song does a painter sing when he is in truly dire straits? Monet for Nothing.
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he likes cool music...
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
How does a lobster answer the phone?
"Shello?"
I think therefore I yam.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
Apparently Dracula sets up a password for every website so he can click on Your Account.
Go to BabaMail
