Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
She wanted to lay it on the line.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
How do you know the moon is going broke?
It's down to its last quarter.
If a dog chews shoes, whose shoes does he choose?
I just wanted to make a good frost impression.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
What did the gold say to the pyrite?
You’re a fool and a fake!
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
As it snow happens.
Autumn has given me some of my best memories. I am forever grate-fall for it.
What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut!
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
The great Greek grape growers grow great Greek grapes.
Which front-office type is the most promiscuous? The general ménageur.
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
I have the final sleigh.
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
I’ll have a crocodile sandwich please, and make it snappy!
My dad and I saw this girl with a colorful backpack covered in pot leaves
He turned to me and said "thats a dope backpack". He is catching onto my slang.
Q. Why did the gorilla cross the road?
A. To get to the monkey biz on the other side.
What's a frog's favorite candy?
Lollihops.
What type of mushrooms can you put on a jacket? Button mushrooms.
How does a bee get to school?
She takes a school buzz
How much ground would a groundhog hog, if a groundhog could hog ground? A groundhog would hog all the ground he could hog, if a groundhog could hog ground.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence
What happened when the artist tried to draw a cube? He suffered from a mental block.
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
A crow’s favorite nutty dessert is Pecawn Pie.
Lost at sea? I'm not shore.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
What do you call a werewolf who doesn't know he's a werewolf ?
Unawarewolf.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
During labor, the nurse came up to my wife and said, “How about epidural anesthesia?”
I said, “Thanks, but we already picked a name.”
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
Who is a Yeti's favorite Dracula actor?
Christobrr Lee.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Why was the pig a pathological liar? It’s a porcine-ality disorder.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
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