I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
Through three cheese trees three free fleas flew.
While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew.
Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze.
Freezy trees made these trees' cheese freeze.
That's what made these three free fleas sneeze.
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
What is the difference between a ball hog and time?
Time passes.
"Some bunny needs vodka."
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? Boy! I'm stuffed!
My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
Arson.
My father cooked us mushrooms. Later he asked "Having fun guys"?
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any.
What happened when the ice monster had a furious row with Frankenstein?
He gave him the cold shoulder!
I'm not like other keyboards...
I'm qwerty
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
Where's popcorn?
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
I was really surprised when I learned that singer Pink's favorite color was actually green. No one could have i-magenta-it.
Scientists permit us to see the sun in different light.
How do gorillas get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
Why did the Green Giant lay down in the field?
So he could Rest in Peas.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
Where do restless travelers like to go?
To Rome.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up!
Real weird rear wheels, real weird rear wheels, real weird rear wheels.
How does a kangaroo pick his favorite baseball team?
He jumps on the bandwagon.
Everyone remembers the common hieroglyphics grammar rule...
Eye before flea, except after sea.
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
What is the capital of Greece?
G.
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
What did the flower say when he wanted a second chance?
I’ll grow on you.
What do you call a greedy ant?
An anteater.
Everyone is getting so paranoid, and diving into conspiracy theories lately...
Must be something in the water.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
Every book has some flaws and mistakes, no matter how good the editor. It’s bound to happen.
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
How tall is a spider?
Eight foot.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Are you a card?
We're perfectly suited for each other
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
What has more lives than a cat?
A frog because it croaks every night.
What do you call a beaver with a bad attitude who acts lazy? A beaver that doesn’t give a dam.
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
As a nurse, I have a patient who is very rude...
He's ill-mannered.
You have me greening from ear to ear.
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it's neck and neck.
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
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