What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer.
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
What is the fastest way to make a setter angry? Each time you make a pass, tell the setter the ball is “Up” and then say “Yours!”
Why should you never fight a Gorilla?
They know king kong fu.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.
I had to work with two different hospitals for my Knee Surgery...
It was a joint venture.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
The toilets at an AMF are known as the boweling alleys.
A musical strawberry jam that knows how to play the trumpet is called Tooty fruity.
What do you call two crows flying together?
An attempted murder
How do you save a drowning mouse ?
Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !
How did the hamburger introduce his wife?
"Meet Patty."
What dd the man in the moon do when his hair got too long? Eclipse it.
My favorite denim blue jeans just turned brown. I think I will have to call it Dung-arees!
Why did Paco's girlfriend not want to kiss him?
She was afraid of the a-Paco-lips.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
How do you measure the circumference of a Sheep?
Shepherds Pie
49. What does a child car play with?
Toy-otas.
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
When alligators need energy, they just slug down some gator-ade.
What did one Emperor Penguin say to the other?
Nothing, he just gave him the cold shoulder.
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
What's a pun's best trait?
His pun-ctuality!
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Crossbows are great, but they have their drawbacks.
Has the abominable snowman called?
Not Yeti.
What do you call a metalhead working at Cold Stone? Alice Scooper.
Why did the fish cross the road? Cause it was hooked!
Being shellfless entails volunteering at the relief center during disaster.
Have you botany plants lately?
Why can't tomatoes ever beat lettuce in a race?
Because lettuce is always a head, and tomatoes have to ketchup!
Where do ants go on vacation?
Frants.
What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys? A bunch of idiots.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Are you a needle? Because you are sew special to me.
What’s worse than one crocodile coming to dinner?
Two crocodiles coming to dinner.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.
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