What do you call an English rock band playing in the mist? Foghat.
Where do dolphin races end?
Dolphinish line!
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
What trophy do you get if you never score any points? The Art Rouse.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
“You’re my soul Santa.”
Why won’t you ever find a unicorn in the army? Because they don’t like wearing uniforms.
What do you call a kangaroo in Africa?
Lost.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
It’s easy to spot a sad flamingo. They get really blue.
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
Poor white splash.
What happened to the vet that was accused of negligence? They were sued for meow-practice
How many cans can a cannibal nibble
if a cannibal can nibble cans?
As many cans as a cannibal can nibble
if a cannibal can nibble cans.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What do you call an amazing day up a mountain? A peak experience.
Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
One smart fellow, he felt smart.
Two smart fellows, they felt smart.
Three smart fellows, they felt smart.
Four smart fellows, they felt smart.
Five smart fellows, they felt smart.
Six smart fellows, they felt smart.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
What did the outraged female deer say to the mule?
How deer you!
What did bacon say to tomato? Lettuce get together.
How do you know your heart is your biggest fan?
It’s always so pumped for you.
Q: What did the tree say to the wind?
A: Leaf me alone
What’s the freshest herb you can find in April?
Spring-thyme!
What job on a construction site is best suited to a skeleton?
Cranium operator.
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
Would they get two minutes for tripping?
Not if they spliff the defence.
What did the bat say to the friend who itched and squirmined?
Come back when you have washed out the virmin.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
Sad to hear that Baron von Frankenstein has given up on his dream of being an actor.
He couldn’t get the parts.
Who granted the fish a wish?
The fairy codmother.
What's a frog's favorite game?
Hop-scotch (or leapfrog).
What is the ocean’s favorite lullaby?
Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
I used to be addicted to time travel,
but that's all in the past now.
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
Why did the Gorilla fail its exam? He didn't have the ape-titude.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats?
A chupacabro.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
One should always practice what they peach.
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