Local restaurant has kangaroo loin and it’s actually pretty good
It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
“You scratch my beak and I’ll scratch yours!”
What do you call a kangaroo sanctuary?
A kazoo.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
The lake did not like the river because it felt that the river was not very lake-able.
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white?
Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Nothing, oceans don't talk they just wave!
I took a road trip with my girlfriend who finally confessed she needs to stop and hug every now and again to reduce anxiety.
It was touch and go from there on.
What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo? Bronco-saurus or a Tyrannasourus Tex
Why was the food critic fired?
They didn't reference their sauces
What do you call an unpredictable, out of control photographer? A loose Canon.
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
“Watch out! The road curves ahead” cried the skeleton.
“It’s spine“ replied the driver.
I bought some clear, liquid hand-soap today.
Got home and realized that I can't use it...
My hands are solid, and opaque.
What do you call a gushing keyboard?
sqwerty
What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand?
No-Kia.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
You're so clover!
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Spending time at the pool really floats my boat.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
Why are parrots the life of the party? Every day is their bird-day!
Which barnyard animal is a famous painter?
Vincent Van Goat
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
I heard the local flasher was due to retire.
But hes decided to stick it out for another year.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What advice do ghosts give their children? Only spook when spoken to.
What is a cat’s favorite TV show? The evening mews.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
What is a flower’s favorite vegetable?
Cauliflower.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
In Quebec they used to practise throwing the puck in the zone, and then
sitting back to wait for a turnover. But eventually the players were
criticized for this dump-and-chaise tactic.
The basketball player sat on the sideline and began sketching pictures of chickens. He was learning how to draw fowls.
The oranges have great eyesight because they always keep their eyes peeled.
What kind of money does deer use?
“Bucks!”
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
Why do chickens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they’d break.
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
Why did the skeletons form a rock band?
They wanted to “Rattle them bones”!
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