Why did the volleyball player join the marines? To serve our country.
My children got their good looks from their mother.
I kept mine.
What is a deer’s favorite meal of the day?
“Deer-ner.”
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
You snooze. You booze.
What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?
"Do not consume if seal is broken."
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?
“Donut hole me back.”
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
How do you tell someone winter is over?
You spring it on them!
Reading whilst sunbathing? You must be well-red!
My wife showed me two of her mother’s quilts and asked me which one I preferred.
I said, “I refuse to make blanket statements.”
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
What do you call a boy swimming at the beach?
Buoyancy.
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
What did the zoologist and the herbalist name their child? Tiger Woods.
I saved a tiny baby crow and now he won't leave, I guess you could say he's mi-cro.
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom.
What’s black and white and stands in the corner?
A naughty panda.
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
What do you call a grandpa flower?
Poppy.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
What did the oreo cookie say to his filling? You’re my butter half.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners!
I do wonder why my flamingo friends always do so well in tests and exams. After all, they always just wing it.
What's the name of the funniest mountain range in the world? The Himhilarious.
What do you call someone with Yellow hair on the beach?
A beach blond.
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
Seas the day!
What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets? Bootiques.
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
Americans were preparing peach gelatos, to demonstrate it's right to freeze peach!
What do zebras hold?
Ze boobs.
I've just got a new job as a nursery rhyme cow.
I'm over the moon.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
What do you call two rabbits racing down the road? The fast and the furriest.
Knife and a fork bottle and a cork
that is the way you spell New York.
Chicken in the car and the car can go,
that is the way you spell Chicago.
We should've guessed the failed postman wouldn't be any better at delivering his acting lines.
What did the sarcastic otter say?
I think you’ve confused me with someone who builds a dam.
Did you hear about the negative nelly who hates German sausage?
He always fears the wurst.
What happened when an orange, an apple, and a banana all went on a picnic together?
They had a “fruit-ful” day.
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
Go to BabaMail
