My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
What do you do if you spill maple syrup all over your keyboard?
Just turn off sticky keys.
I only like smooth leather
and my opinion will never be suede.
Who dosent eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
What do you drive in a river? An otter-mobile.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
The best place on earth to shop for soccer kits is New Jersey.
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
Where's popcorn?
I thought of premeditated murder and a flash mob of crows came to my mind.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
The coddled superstar sat in the seats with the fans instead of on the bench
with the team; for this, ironically enough, he was accused of grandstanding!
I had a flamingo come to stay with me when he had a cold. We nicknamed him phlegmingo.
What do you get if you cross a bat with a woodpecker?
Bat-a-tat.
What was the shark’s favorite Tim Burton film?
Edward Scissorfins.
Why don't pets make good astronauts?
They're afraid of the spay station
My little brother had to stay with our parents when we went to Italy. I was free to Rome.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
What is a golfer’s worst nightmare?
The Bogeyman.
What's a werewolf's favorite mode of transport?
A lunar cycle.
What is the result of an art competition? A draw.
What does a skunk’s car run on?
Fumes.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What is the favorite chess move of ants with bladder problems?
En pissant.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
10-tickles.
How does a goblin eat a hotdog?
By goblin it.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
The cat’s out of the bag – I love you purry much.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
Did you know that old bowlers do not die? They simply end up in gutters.
I know a family of artists but I am not sure how they make so much money...
Very sketchy people.
Q. What does one teen buck say to oad another into doing something risky?
A. I double deer you!
It's just a lot of croc 'n' roll.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
What do monkeys sing at Christmas? Jungle bells, jungle bells…
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
You didn't hear the joke about cell phones?
Probably because it had a bad reception.
What do you call a crocodile that keeps breaking the law?
A crookadile.
Why did the little boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
Because he heard there were sleeping pills in there.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Go to BabaMail
