What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
What kind of cheese makes the best music?
Brieoncé.
Shell yeah.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy
I said: But, mom that's why I am using a chair.
Anyone who is born in a car and dies outside is known as car born die oxide.
Round and round the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran.
Why should you swim in an ool instead of a pool?
Because there’s no “p” in it!
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their feet smell.
I beg your garden?
I went fishing in the ocean the other day and caught one fish
but I think it was just a fluke.
What do you call an amazing day up a mountain? A peak experience.
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
Before the Koalaville basketball team can play for the national championship, they have to make it through the koalafying rounds.
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
What’s a whale’s favorite movie?
The Humpback Of Notre Dame.
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
When does soil get rich?
When mother nature makes it rain.
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball!
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
I hate it when planes don't have free WiFi.
It drives me bored air line crazy.
We've been driving all day, I need a brake.
My suitcase started crying when I picked it up. I was carrying emotional baggage.
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.
Apparently the survivors are marooned.
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
Did you hear that cats have carried out a Coup in Barcelona and declared independence from Spain?
They're calling themselves the Republic of Catalo-nya.
How did the baker cut four loaves of bread at the same time? By buying a four-loaf-cleaver.
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
What did one angry werewolf say to the other?
- I have a bone to pick with you!
I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
Up until now, I always thought that all the cool mice would get together and live in my mousepad. Now when I know the truth, I feel quite broken.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
Why did the bunny cross the road? He wanted to prove he could hip hop!
The police told me they'd throw me in jail the next time they caught me stealing board games.
But that's a Risk I'm willing to take.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
How do you make a telephone in the jungle?
With toucans and a piece of string.
Do not be sad because of these bad words. You are always a fineapple in my heart.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
Be careful out there during the snowstorm. It ain't snow joke.
What did the girl say when she got a fake call? "I think that call was phoney".
There's a German butcher around the corner from the hospital.
Just in case someone takes a turn for a wurst.
I was talking to a barn owl last night, when I mentioned that I'd just got engaged.
He said, "You twit! To who?"
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
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