What do you call a rubber bumper on a yacht?
A shark absorber.
No one really enjoys crying wolf. However, the boy did cry just to get a howling experience.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.
It’s easy to spot a sad flamingo. They get really blue.
What’s a monster’s favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet.
Did you hear about the ocean and sea having a baby?
It was a buoy!
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
What animal would you most like to be on a cold day?
A little otter...
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
We’ve made a jig mistake, don’t you a-green?
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
What did the deer tell his buddy before he took a test?
“Good buck!”
What do we call the basketball team that won the donuts championships? – dunkin donuts.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Today, I am eating a bun filled with pineapple and ham for my dinner. That is Hawaii roll.
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
What's E.T. short for?
Because he's got little legs.
Why did the duck cross the road?
Because there was a quack in the sidewalk.
When does a Koala go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
What does a vampire need for making breakfast in the morning?
Pancake batter.
What do you call a fly with no Wings?
A walk.
Why are ghouls so healthy?
They always eat fresh food!
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
A beaver asked his fellow beavers to hurry up and said, "Water you waiting for, make haste."
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
I just flew on a plane with an all female flight crew.
It was an....unmanned aircraft.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
Shave a single shingle thin.
When the pitch is flooded, soccer players can still go on. They just need to bring on their subs.
I was walking by a yard sale the other day.
I saw a radio for $1. The volume dial was broken but I knew I couldn’t turn that down.
What’s the worst thing about a bread pun?
It tends to get stale.
Zebras aren’t fans of colouring books. They don’t like having to stay between the lions.
Why did no one want to sit near Shrek?
He had terrible body ogre.
I was trying to look at a picture of the ocean but kept having to reload the page, it finally worked after 5 attempts.
That was refreshing to sea.
Why did the ski instructor's love life always go downhill? The first thing the ladies noticed about him was his giant slalom.
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
I gave someone directions to a theater today
I guess I am a movie director now.
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
What did the irritated crow said to his fried?
I won't talk to you if you don’t stop ravening.
Some people think prison is one word… but to criminals it’s the whole sentence.
Why do gorillas have really big fingers?
Because they have really big nostrils!
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