What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
I asked my Spanish girlfriend to make a to-do list
so she wrote down everything.
A ship load of red paint crashed into a ship load of blue paint. The crews were marooned.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
The male pig puts everyone to sleep.
You might say he’s quite a boar.
What is a ghost's favorite place to work?
Ghoul-gle.
Afraid he wouldn’t get into college the skeleton spent the weekend boning up on algebra.
Federer is such a legend that they named the Roger’s Cup, and Fed Cup after him.
What happened when it started raining coins?
It knocked some sense (cents) into the world.
Q. What do you get if you cross a devilish deer with an evil cougar?
A. A hell cat.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
The dentist said that he could knock me out with gas, or he could use a big metallic rock.
I said ether/ore.
I'm trying to break the ice, but you just keep giving me the cold shoulder.
What do you call a group of whale musicians?
An orca-stra.
Failed my art exam by using the wrong pencil.
It wasn't 2b.
What do you call Spider-Man at his full potential
Petest Parkest.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
What is ice cream’s favorite TV show?
Game of Cones.
What's one of the worst things you could come across while surfing the web?
Your keyboard.
What did the swimming pool say to the skimmer?
Leaf me alone!
A tree fell over in our yard but we aren't sure why.
We're looking for the root cause.
What do you call a fruit that doesn't take s**t from anyone? The top banana.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
What do you get if you cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle neck jumper.
Why did the worm cross the ruler?
To become an inchworm
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
A man fell into a vat of varnish and died
He had a terrible end but a lovely finish.
The Earth without 'art'...
....is 'EH'
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
In Ireland, when the cows are in the road it’s udder chaos.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
What does the mouse say to its mate? "Were like crackers and cheese"
Which sea creature gives the best hugs?
A cuttlefish
Old gorillas never die, but they do go bananas.
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A teddy boar.
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
What do you call a wet teddy bear?
A drizzly bear.
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
What do you call a secret group of llamas?
The i-llama-nati.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
The winning home run didn't surprise the hitter. He did it all without batting an eye.The baseball player loved his treadmill and all the home runs.
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
What ingredient is essential when baking a Star Wars cake?
Bicarbonate of Yoda
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
Go to BabaMail
