How does the Skywalker family like their tea?
Lukewarm.
What’s an elephant’s favorite sport?
Squash.
Are you still wondering why the basketball player could listen to his music? Don’t you know he broke a record!
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
When it rains chickens and ducks, the best description for the weather is foul weather.
Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
She wanted to lay it on the line.
Blue jeans are immortal. They never die, they just fade away!
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
Why was the skeleton scared of the baby?
Because he was an ankle biter.
I'm debating whether I should cross the river on foot or use my rowboat...
It's row v. wade.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
Who is the corniest baseball player of all time?
Ty Cobb!
Did you hear about the birds of prey on black Friday?
It was a free for owl.
I hate spring cleaning.
Darn things bounce all over the place.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
What do you call someone from Spain who lives near the Portuguese border?
Span-ish.
What is white and has long ears, whiskers, and sixteen wheels? Two rabbits on Rollerblades!
Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?
Because it wanted to lay it on the line.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
They told me I was too old to hunt for Easter eggs, but the jokes on them!
I prefer mine poached.
I want to create a convention for Irish folks who suffer with leprosy.
I'll call it Leper-Con.
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
It's tough to tell if the sky is ever happy or not. It always looks so blue!
What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose? A collie-flower!
Q. Which game do hunters go after first?
A. The nearest and the deerest.
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
Why did the cat get fined? He was caught littering
My dad and I saw this girl with a colorful backpack covered in pot leaves
He turned to me and said "thats a dope backpack". He is catching onto my slang.
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
How did the swim team manage to pay for new pool renovations?
They pool-ed their resources!
What do you call fifty penguins at the North Pole?
Really lost. (Penguins live in the Southern Hemisphere)!
I got lost in the mist today.
I didn’t have the foggiest idea where I was.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
A musical strawberry jam that knows how to play the trumpet is called Tooty fruity.
What did the fawn say to warn her friend about the haunted house?
“Don’t go deer!”
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
I came across an injured flamingo the other day. I tried to help, but luckily it was already receiving medical tweetment.
Why did the scientist use a drink container to communicate with dolphins?
Because a bottle knows dolphin.
How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Quackula.
Wife is about to give birth.
Nurse: "I'm gonna deliver the Baby."
Dad: " Actually, we'd like him to keep his Liver"
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing it just waved.
Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson. He brought the house down.
Why don`t ducks tell jokes when they fly?
Because they would quack up.
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