What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
This is snow laughing matter!
What medicine do you give to sick ants?
Antibiotics.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food? After getting to third basil.
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
It’s raining cats and dogs today - I just hope it doesn’t rain deer!
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
Why did the whisky divorce the glass?
Their marriage was on the rocks!
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur A lickalotopis
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Q. What do you call a gorilla who studies large primates and has great grades?
A. Ape lust student.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
I was dating a keyboard but we had to break up...
...she just wasn't my type.
What do you call a fish whith a car? A carfish!
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
How do you draw flies?
With a pencil!
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
What did the flower say when he saw his date?
I think you’re dandy, and I’m not lion!
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Go to sweep, dear.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
You don’t need to pay rent to live inside my heart.
What do you get when you cross a goblin, a stop sign, and immortality?
An everlasting gobstopper!
Dracula is vegan, he can't take any risks. One stake could kill him.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What do zebras hold?
Ze boobs.
What do you call people avoiding healthy fats?
Avocadonts.
A french farmer who owned an olive plantation had a huge fire
He was extremely sad, he had lost his all his huile d'olive.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
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