What do you call a hangover when you're alone in Spain?
Barf-a-lona.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
I love you meow and forever.
What did the pastry chef say when a banana cream pie he made completely satisfies a tyrannical ruler?
It hit despot.
Why doesn’t an owl study for a test?
They prefer to wing it.
Why is spring a great time to start a gardening business?
Because it’s the season when you can really rake in the cash.
What do you call a werewolf that can’t decide what to wear?
A what-to-wear-wolf.
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
When the time came, he betrayed our team and showed his blue colors.
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? To hatchet.
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
It is not uncommon for elephants to start a stampede. Especially if they want to play for the Chargers.
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
Why don’t you see penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
What do you call a cat that works at a printing shop?
A copy cat.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
The soccer player brought string to her game because she wanted to tie the score.
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
If I were to wander around in Italy...
Would I be roamin'?
Q. How do the doe and stag open the entry to their vacation cabin in the woods?
A. They just turn the deer knob.
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
My gay lover asked me if date night was optional.
I said no, it's a mandate
A flamingo only ever asks for a plaster when it hurts its pinky.
What kind of dinosaur can you ride in a rodeo? A Bronco-saurus!
Where do you go to weigh a pie? Somewhere over the rainbow.
Son: I was really Hungary and I ate the whole Turkey. There is only Greece left.
Me: I couldn’t Bolivia!
What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
I dated a doctor once. Big mistake.
She was a Psycho.
Don’t let your grandparents have daughters.
That’s how you get aunts.
What is a medieval owl called?
A knight owl.
I got sacked from my job at the guillotine factory today
It’s a cut throat business
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
There are good and bad times to buy a flamingo. Bad times are when they’re expensive, the best times are when they’re cheep.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
Brother: "My friend John is in Greece studying abroad."
My Dad: "What's her name?"
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
Beer is the greatest beverage on earth.
That's my pint of view, anyway.
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
Australia announced that they have begun dumping sewage into the ocean
It’s now classified as an in-continent.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
"Let's have some skele-fun."
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