A new car has been launched especially for American cowboys
The Audi Partner.
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
“Look out for Santa Paws!”
My doctor didn’t show up to the appointment about my hairline.
He said it got pushed back
One smart fellow, he felt smart.
Two smart fellows, they felt smart.
Three smart fellows, they felt smart.
Four smart fellows, they felt smart.
Five smart fellows, they felt smart.
Six smart fellows, they felt smart.
What animal jumps when it walks and sits when it stands?
A kangaroo.
When doesn’t a bull have horns?
When it’s a bullfrog.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
I chucked my phone into a very deep lake.
Somehow it's still syncing.
My friend couldn’t pay his water bill anymore.
I sent him a Get Well Soon card.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
I stole seven crows yesterday.
Got away with murder.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
Fall is a-maize-ing.
How did the hammerhead do on his test?
He nailed it.
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
How does Frankenstein jump-start his day?
With a shock of lighting.
Q: Why couldn’t the orange believe that her friend had let her down?
A: This was because citrus-ted him!
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
If there's a Tim Horton's chain, should there be a Lanny McDonald's? Or Doug
Harvey's? And what about Ron's Francise?
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken's day off!
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
Sips getting real.
What online search engine do spooky monsters use?
Ghoulghoul.
Why did the vegetarian stop running cross country?
He did not like the meets.
Why are parrots the life of the party? Every day is their bird-day!
It ain’t over till it’s clover.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
What do you call a dinosaur with high heels? My-feet-are-saurus
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
You really mermaid my day.
What do you call a French leather coat maker...?
Jim Lapel.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
“PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.”
What do you call an elephant that never washes?
A smelly-phant.
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session?!
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
When a planet dies, does it get an orbituary?
A star athlete in Koalaville got kicked off the Olympic team for cheating. Unfortunately, he was diskoalafied.
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
All things must grass.
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
And as you can see, they were Wright.
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