Ah! The element of surprise.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Where do parrots invest their money?
In the stork market
If you need to share out your to-do list, just be a dele-gator.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
Why don't gorillas vote?
They're ape-political.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
What holds the sun up in the sky?
Sunbeams
What is the cutest car?
A BM-cuddle-U
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
Why are frogs good at baseball?
Because they catch a lot of fly balls.
What type of car does a cowboy drive?
Audi partner.
Treat yo'elf.
What did the librarian say to the beaver who wanted to read a help book? You can try by-rowing it.
I was arrested by the grammar police for not using the full stop correctly.
I am now looking at a long sentence.
Wind energy is so popular. It has a lot of fans.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
It is only late August, yet the leaves are already turning brown. Autumn came early this year. Orange you glad?
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
Please stop making jokes about little people
How would you feel if a bunch of giants made jokes about you?
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
Your mother ate us out of house and home.
My life-long rival just beat my record for deep-sea diving.
This is a new low.
How can you tell which rabbits are getting old? Look for the grey hares.
Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other. Retards
Q: What is the opposite of a cold front?
A: A warm back
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
I was walking down the street when I stood on a banana.
Luckily, I was wearing my Slipknot t-shirt.
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
Why did the police arrest the star? That’s becuase it was a shooting star.
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth.
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
After a long March, April always puts a little spring in my step.
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
Denise sees the fleece, Denise sees the fleas. At least Denise could sneeze and feed and freeze the fleas.
Just found a fly in my beer. I'm feeling buzzed.
I'm snow bored.
Why are vampires like false teeth?
They come out at night.
Go to BabaMail
