My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
My neighbors house got struck by lightning.
It hit close to home.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
What a is ghoul’s favorite pet?
Ghoulfish!
What is a koala’s favorite Christmas carol? Deck the halls with boughs of holly, koala-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!!!
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
I applied for a job as an Instructor at a Scuba Diving center. The interviewer wanted to know if I can work well under pressure.
My strategy is simple, knocking them down a pin at a time.
What did the ghost say to the bee
“BOOBEE”
I got lost in the mist today.
I didn’t have the foggiest idea where I was.
My wife made gluten free, carb free, salt free spaghetti last night
It was not real food, it was an impasta.
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.
Why did the bat often use mouthwash? She had bat breath.
How many volleyball referees do you need to screw in a light bulb? None because they are always in the dark.
I'm investigating the tooth fairy, and it's going well...
I've managed to get a molar into her operation. I'm going to find out the tooth at the root of all this.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
Should you plant flowers in any month besides April?
May as well!
"I'm eggs-hausted."
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
When it was raining yesterday, I saw a man use ketchup and I got quite shocked. It is only later that I learnt he was taking advantage of the raining cats and hot dogs.
Native Americans used to have their own professional tennis tournaments, and provided free housing to players from other tribes. They called it the A Tee Pee Tour. (No disrespect to Native Americans!)
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
What spread do astronauts use on their toast?
. . . Space jam
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
These book puns have tickled your spine.
My friend said, "I bought a parrot for my son that has red and blue feathers."
I said, "Your son must look very strange."
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
Life is brew-tiful!
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
Does Mr. Otterton listen to Gazelle? Yes he's a rabid fan.
What did the storm drain say when it learnt it'd be getting a new cover?
That's just grate.
Did you know that doctors that perform circumscisions don’t make a lot of money for those operations?
They only get paid in tips.
Who brings the monsters their babies?
Frankenstork.
Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
There was a kidnapping at school yesterday. Don’t worry, though - she woke up.
I’ll try to keep it brief, but I have so much to Marseilles about France.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
You mermaid to go far.
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
I like big punts and I cannot lie
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
Why is the ocean always on time?
She likes to stay current.
Go to BabaMail
