Cell phones are a static symbol.
Why was the crab embarrassed?
Because the sea weed.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Loving this road trip, but all this driving is tire-ing!
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
How do you offer a camel tea?
"One hump or two?"
You and I make a deluxe combo.
How do ski instructors get to work?
By icicle.
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
When one tree asked another how it was doing in November, it replied, "I am pine!"
What do you call the guy who draws pictures of criminal suspects? A con artist.
What do get if you cross a duck and Santa? A Christmas Quacker.
Practice safe text: use commas.
Are you squiding me right now?
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
How are snow boards and vacuum cleaners alike?
Both have dirt bags on board.
Did you know the Mississippi River is a girl?
If it was a guy it would be the misterssippi River.
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
The last time I wanted to go bowling, all the pins were on strike. So I just stayed at home and watched TV instead.
What's an prisoners favorite battery? Duracell Why are inmates so angry all the time? Cause they have bad cell service.
What do you get when your cross a bear and a tiger?
A bear and a tiger seeking revenge.
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
Which channels do the asteroids like to watch? The comet-y channel.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
What is a baby sasquatch's favorite toy?
His Yeti Bear!
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
Did Cyclops the X-man play hockey? Yes, he enjoyed lasing up the skates.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
Icy what you did there!
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
I wood never leaf you.
Grasshoppers do not fancy soccer matches because most of them prefer cricket matches.
To get to the other tide.
When a Minotaur considers himself an optimist is it that he sees his glass as half-bull?
Don't worry, bee happy!
It was hot today and when I went outside I saw there was a line of guys standing outside the hairdressers. I thought to myself, "Such a lovely day to have a barber queue".
Fall leaves whenever winter knocks on the door.
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
The doctor told me I shouldn’t eat alphabet soup.
I suffer from irritable vowel syndrome.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
Go to BabaMail
