How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
Pete's pa pete poked to the pea patch to pick a peck of peas for the poor pink pig in the pine hole pig-pen.
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
The huddle is real
What language do they speak in Italy
Times New Roman.
How did the serve know when the bad serve was not with the hand? The server knew it was the foot fault.
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
What trophy does a stay-at-home defencemen win? The Snorris!
My friend who's a vampire was feeling a bit low. I told him to drink B positive.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite game, it's peach ball.
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
I was really surprised when I learned that singer Pink's favorite color was actually green. No one could have i-magenta-it.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
Round and round the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran.
You must be a geologist because you rock my world.
My singing voice sounds bad in my tiny apartment.
It’s a little flat.
From my head tomatoes, I love you bunches.
I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
Vincent vowed vengeance very vehemently.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
What do you call an artist without a palette? Someone who makes paintings without taste.
One day I saw a squirrel burying lotto tickets under a large bush, so I asked him what he was doing.
He told me he was hedging his bets.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
We’ll need protracturtle in our next lesson since the topic will be angles.
Where will you find an FBI sketch artist? In the bureau drawer.
Never trust a flamingo unless you can be sure it has fully fledged ideas.
I feel pretty shore this is going to be the best summer yet.
I tried to catch the fog.
But I mist.
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
What did the Tyrannosaurus rex get after mopping the floor? Dino-sore!
Are there any funny red wine puns at BabaMail Jokes?
You bet Shiraz there are!
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado?
“Well, this is guacward.”
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
I was driving through the safari park when my sat nav said “bear left”. It was clearly a zebra.
All the girls I meet keep thinking I’m a sheep.
Every time they see me they say “Ewe”
Softball is just like baseball
Except the tactics seem more underhanded.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.
Now I'm homeless.
I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".
There's snow place like the mountains in winter.
"Beat it." — Michael Jackson, "Beat It"
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What did the panda say when he was forced out of his natural habitat?
This is un-bear-able.
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