I would talk about Valentine’s Day
But it looks like I missed my date.
What’s a mouse favourite family sitcom?
Full Mouse.
What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
Whats a bad flower pick-up line?
Lets put our tulips together?
What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
“The zest is yet to come!”
Artists are colorful people who know how to draw on their emotions.
Why do painters always fall for their models?
Because they love them with all of their art.
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
What does a winged horse drink from at a party?
A keg-asus.
What is a naughty beavers' favorite type of wood ever? Knotty pine.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
Why do snowmen always get injured when playing sports?
Because they refuse to warm up!
How heavy is a rainbow? It's actually pretty light.
Watson: Sherlock, what type of rock is this amazing specimen?
Holmes: It’s sedimentary, my dear Watson.
What's the most popular American cheese sitcom? Curd Your Enthusiasm
The book about Mount Everest had quite a cliff hanger.
If a crocodile never admits he is wrong, he must be in de-nile..
The leech, who is good at drawing blood, applied for a job in an art gallery.
Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens.
Ireland is pitcher perfect.
One should always practice what they peach.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
Did you hear Ireland is the fastest-growing country in Europe?
Its population is always Dublin.
My mother's sister can carry 50 times her own weight
She's my aunt
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
The color turquoise was judged as the best new color because it was cyantifically proven to be.
You mermaid to go far.
Where was the dinosaur when the sun went down ? In the dark!
My Japanese dentist became a woman.
He’s a trans zen dentalist.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What do you get when you put a bomb in a dinosaur? Dino-mite.
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
I've decided to marry a pencil.
I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B!
There's a group of girls that love vampires at my school. I really want to join their fang club.
Where do kangaroos like to eat?
At IHOP.
Your love is like vodka.
You were worth the chase.
What’s the difference between a fly and an eagle?
An eagle can fly but a fly cannot eagle.
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
We are looking pitcher-perfect.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
What did the banana do when he saw the monkey?
The banana split.
Call me on the shellphone.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
How do ghosts take their eggs? Terri-fried.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
Q: What video games do fruits play?
A: Peach ball.
Why did the detectives suddenly appear at the concert at the beach?
Something fishy was going on.
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