What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
Who babysits young Bigfoots?
Sasq-watcher.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
Why didn't the artist replace his kitchen sink? Because he said that if it's not baroque, don't fix it.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
What's E.T. short for?
Because he's got little legs.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
What is a deer’s favorite after-school snack?
“Doe-nuts.”
You know, I didn't kiss my wife until I was married...
because she wasn't my wife until we were married.
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
Do you know what is the most favourite fruit in the United States? – Mmm peach!
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
What do Spanish speaking people prefer to travel in groups of 2 or 4?
No tres-passing.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
Are you a 30 degree angle? Because you're acute-y.
Basketball players manage to remain cool even during tough matches because they stay closer to the fans.
My wife says she wants to order a glass of wine during our Valentine’s Day dinner.
She says she loves being carded.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
Changed all my passwords to Kenny.
Now all I have are Kenny Loggins.
My cat just cut the grass.
She's a lawn meower.
What falls all the time and never gets hurt? Rain.
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
Why did the magician have to cancel his show? Because he just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.
What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
As the taxi raced towards the hospital, my wife cried, "The baby's coming! Don't stop the car! I can't make it! DON'T! CAN'T! WON'T!"
"Driver, hurry!" I implored. "Her contractions are getting closer together!"
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
What’s a ghoul’s favorite love story?
Romeo and Ghouliet!
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
What’s the best meal to eat in an igloo?
Brr-eakfast!
What does the like to parrot wear to the beach? A beak-ini!
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
How can you tell that vampires love baseball?
They turn into bats every night.
Why did the frog go to the bank with a gun?
He wanted to robbit.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
In Ireland, they really like to ham it up.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
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