What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
What kind of egg did the bad chicken lay? A deviled egg!
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
Q: How is hurricane season like Christmas?
A: At some point, there’s going to be a tree inside your house.
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
Why is it hard to carry on a conversation with a goat?
Because they are always butting in.
What do you call a large pile of cats? A meowntain!
Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What did the drum say about his childhood?
Those were the cymbaler days.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
What was the worm doing in the cornfield?
He was going in one ear and out the other!
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
What did one of Frankenstein’s ears say to the other?
I didn’t know we lived on the same block.
I’m putting an official ban on rabbit puns. They are not bunny anymore.
Someone left their tea on my desk. It smells so good, but I won't drink it. That's just not my cup of tea.
I’ve heard of fraudsters before, but that was one heck of a unique-con if I ever saw one.
What's the slogan for the New York Demon Chomping Advocacy Group?
Gobble the ghoul.
An Australian chess player went into a restaurant and ordered food. After having his food , the waiter asked him "Cash or Credit , Sir?"
He said "Cheque , mate."
Cow's that eat strawberries give strawberry milk.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
How do you get in contact with a Greek architect?
You column.
How did the blind guy from Denver enjoy a bit of apres skiing on Lookout Mountain during the last white-out?
He brought along his skiing-eye dog.
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
What is a vampire’s favorite sport?
Casketball.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
Take a page from the book and leaf.
Why did the koala bear eat so much eucalyptus? He simply couldn’t leaf it alone.
Did you hear about the negative nelly who hates German sausage?
He always fears the wurst.
In another town, the cowboy rides in wearing a paper suit. Paper pants, paper jacket, paper chaps. Even a paper holster!
He wasn't in town ten minutes before he was arrested for rustling.
Vandals have attacked the National Origami Museum in Tokyo.
We'll keep you updated as the story unfolds.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
What do alligators call human children?
Appetizers.
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
What always goes up whenever the rain comes down? An umbrella.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
Wife was in the hospital and the nurse said she was calling the doctor to put in an IV
When he showed up, I said to him "I thought there'd be four of you".
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