I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth today
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.
Q. Which country was founded by wild gorillas?
A. The Banana Republic.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
What's an inmates favorite food? Cellery.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
What’s a goat’s favorite TV show?
America’s Goat Talent.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
What did the evaporating raindrop say?
I’m going to pieces.
Summer is here, so I’m moving all of my bad habits outside.
What did the bartender say when he saw oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium and phosphorous enter his barroom? OH SnaP!
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
Why did the cheese lover hide cheese in the back of his fridge?
In queso emergency.
Why did the leaf go to the doctor?
It was feeling green
Need an ark?
I noah guy.
What did the bear say when he got a joke? He just bear-ly had a chuckle!
Why do basketball players love cookies? Because they can dunk them!
What did the cornfield say when it heard rain coming?
That’s music to my ears!
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
Titanic.
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
What do you get when you mix a sheep and a kangaroo
A wooly jumper
Are avocados good for your heart?
Yes, they make for great avo-cardio.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What do you call a detective who is also a real estate agent?
Sherlock Homes
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
Why did Frankenstein’s monster give up boxing?
Because he didn’t want to spoil his looks.
How do you find zebra?
Look under zeshirt.
What do you call it when a panda eats all of your tall grass?
Bamboozled!
What did the bunny say to its crush? Hey there hop stuff.
What sport do wasps love?
Sting-pong.
The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
What is the first time that a volleyball match was talked about in the Bible? When Joseph served in the Pharaoh’s court.
What is the capital of Greece?
G.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
On which day do tiger eat people?
Chewsday
Why did the bucket bounce?
Because it was filled with spring water.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
I told you snow.
Where are dramatic hard drives from?
Oh I/O
Go to BabaMail
