What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
To go with the floe!
What type of pants do rain clouds wear? Thunderwear.
What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.
Where do all the cool mice live? In their mousepads.
The crow decided to dress up as Corvid-19 virus for the Halloween costume party.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
What has more lives than a cat?
A frog because it croaks every night.
Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
Because he had to take care of some monkey business.
What do pigs learn in the army? Ham to ham combat.
Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
---
What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes? Rep Tiles
You had to use rennet to curdle the milk for making Ricotta, not lemon juice!
This is not the right whey.
My wireless keyboard isn't working
I guess I need to re-pair it.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
How many ears do you think a Spock has? Three. A right ear, left ear, and a final front ear.
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
When my father complained to my mother for never picking or dropping me at school, she looked at him and said, "You are the master of drag and drop, my love". He's an IT specialist...
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
What is the only difference between a lion and a tiger? The mane part is missing in a tiger.
Why did the hunter miss his mark?
He was not aiming deerectly for it.
What type of cat lives under the sea? A purr-maid.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts:
Leave me the Fuh Cologne.
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
My sister asked me for some spider puns.
I told her to look them up on the web.
I seem to find a way of sneaking chocolate into movie theaters..
.. I always have a few twix up my sleeve.
Every time when I see a picture of something amazing in space, I usually say “That’s totally far out.”
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Love the beach. Can I be any more Pacific?
What's faster - lightning, light, or diarrhea?
Diarrhea. Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.
Why did the fruit run for president? He wanted world peach.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
New electric trains will run on conductors.
How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?
qwsedrftgyhujikolpawesdrtfgyhujikloaszxdcrfvgtbhnjmk,lazsxdcfvgsedtfrgyftg67y78u87u8uii9op[;'';;'/;l/l;.l.k,lkmjkmertyudfghjk12q21q2qw3qwe3we4r45rt6ygerdgfvbwedfcv qwedfscv
What was one raindrop overheard saying to another? Two's company, three's a cloud.
Hear about the race between the Yeti and the Sasquatch?
The Sasquatch won, by a big foot.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
What do you call hell for potheads?
Canabyss.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
So I had to ground him. He's conducting himself properly now.
You and I make a deluxe combo.
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
Crows, they just love sports, crow-quet to be precise.
Go to BabaMail
