All you need is a little vitamin sea.
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
Q: How does a tiger stop a video?
A: By pressing paws.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
Why don’t readers have extra time? They’re booked.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What do you call a hairy beast that’s lost?
A where-wolf!
I thought of premeditated murder and a flash mob of crows came to my mind.
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
When God integrated Planet Earth, he didn’t forget his integral calculus lesson.
He remembered to add the sea.
Local restaurant has kangaroo loin and it’s actually pretty good
It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.
Sorry, I'm octopied.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his tea before it was cool.
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile? Because he was a juve'nile.
What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?
A hoppercraft.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!
Why was there a troop of gorillas protesting outside the biscuit factory?
They wanted to stop the production of animal crackers.
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
Why did the troll go running?
To keep up with you!
Which violation do ghosts get called for the most in basketball?
Ghoul tending.
A vampire returned a mirror to my shop the other day. It wasn't faulty or anything, he just said he couldn't see himself using it.
I love you a tot!
What do you call a cold werewolf?
A chilli dog.
I red a joke about colors once.
It blue my mind.
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
What does the mouse say to its mate? "Were like crackers and cheese"
My collection of Swiss watches was stolen in Spain.
Adios Omegas.
The two loaves of bread could not wait to stare through the delivery room window. They wanted to see their new bun-dle of joy.
How do you know if it's too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
Got a pet zebra, didn’t realise how hungry they are. He eats like a horse.
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
Why do old artists never die? They just withdraw.
What would you call an ogre who can write and recite poetry??
Shrekspeare.
At the baking competition in October, the chef said that he had eyes on the pies!
There's a basic difference between weather and climate: you can't weather a tree, but you can definitely climate.
What do you call a food stamp inside of a burrito? An otter fortune cookie
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
WOOD you tell give some wood puns?
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
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