What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
Why was the basketball court so slippery?
Because all the players were dribbling on it.
Why did the lake date the river?
He heard that she had a bubbly personality.
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
My marriage is slowly turning into a melon farm. I keep hearing Honeydew this, Honeydew that.
Five fuzzy French frogs Frolicked through the fields in France.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.
What's better than a talking dinosaur ? A spelling bee. What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try-Try-Try-ceratops.
This rock was magma before it was cool.
Get it?
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
Why did the frog lose his job on the mushroom farm? He stole the toads-tool.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
Why did the artist cross the street? To crosshatch to the other side.
What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It’s a pain in the neck.
Why did the bees go on strike? Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers.
Why are vampire families always so close knit?
Because blood is thicker than water.
I remember asking my dad repeatedly what the acronym LGBTQ meant.
I never got a straight answer.
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
I just had a near-se* experience…
My whole wife flashed before my eyes.
What do you called a crow that cant find his way?
A lost caws
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
What did Snoop Dog need to get an umbrella?
Fo’ Drizzle.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
I tried to phone the spiritual leader of Tibet once, but I was sent a big goat with a long neck instead.
I must have phoned Dial-a-Llama by mistake.
Where do ghosts play volleyball at? At the volleyball corpse.
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
What do you call a really happy ant?
Exuber-ant.
Snowmen decide on everything with a game of eeny, meeny, miny, snow.
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
How can we tell the difference between a can of beef soup and a can of pork soup? Just read the labels.
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
Dancing Queen used to have a lot of profanity in its lyrics, but after computers became common
No-one needed an ABBA cuss
My least favourite hue is purple. It's worse than red and blue combined.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
What are the best kind of flowers to get your girlfriend after screwing up?
Whoopsie Daisies
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
If I were to wander around in Italy...
Would I be roamin'?
This Valentine's day, I decided to pay extra and buy flowers that look after themselves.
They are Self Raising.
What do you call a horse that lives next door to you?
A neigh-bor.
Unfortunately, the jumper cables are getting a divorce. They just had no spark.
What do you call it when leprechauns get together after being apart?
A wee-union!
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What has 4 wheels and flies?
Garbage truck
My Asian neighbor owns a T-shirt company where he colors white shirts. I think it's a Thai Dye T-shirt company.
Why did the frog make so many mistakes?
It jumped to the wrong conclusions.
Go to BabaMail
