What do you call an alligator that will only eat sacrificed lambs?
A hallaligator.
A strawberry who is a thief is called a rob-berry
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What did the horse reply when asked if it can jump 3 feet?
“I lope so!”
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?
So he could get crow cane from his vet.
Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail and it will be de-lighted.
How do you talk to giants?
Use big words!
She saw Sharif’s shoes on the sofa. But was she so sure those were Sharif’s shoes she saw?
Why was the museum curator so good at judging paintings and sculptures? He was talented at art official intelligence.
The walls in this tennis factory are so thin, that when I try to get some work done, all I hear is people making a racquet.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
That alligator took great photos, he was a bit of a snapper.
What did the zoologist and the herbalist name their child? Tiger Woods.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
What did the giant say to Jack when he caught him sneaking around his castle?
"Have you bean stalking me?"
What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
Why did the fairy play football?
Because she was fairy sportable!
What is a cat’s favorite book? The Princess and the Paw-per.
Both tournament directors published the schedule at the same time. It was a draw.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
What is a penguin racing driver’s favourite part of the car?
The Eggs-celerator.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
My wife and I are very competitive, but when it came to flamingo impersonation, I didn't stand a chance
She had a leg up the whole time.
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk? Dirty looks from the mouse!
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
What happens when you go to the bathroom in France?
European!
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
Woman turned down the marriage proposal of a gardener. She wasn't ready to shear her life with him.
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