What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
What do you call an turkey with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.
Why do so few vegetarians become competitive swimmers?
They don’t like the swim meats!
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
All prominent werewolf movies are produced in howl-lywood.
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and the other has a pause at the end of a clause.
What do you call a happy rabbit? An Hop-timist.
Stay away from Gmail if you don't want to get shivers down your spine
There's clearly a draft in there.
Call me on the shellphone.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
Everyone knows the Italians invented pizza but few know that it was perfected by French rebels in nazi occupied France during WWII.
It was the pizza de resistance.
I just beat my friend in a Wild West themed art race!
I was quicker to the draw.
How do you know carrots are good for your eyes? Because you never see a rabbit wearing glasses.
I read a bunch of news articles dealing with lightning strikes recently.
I'm trying to keep myself knowledgeable about current events.
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
I know a family of artists but I am not sure how they make so much money...
Very sketchy people.
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
A friend of mine is his team's best footballer on paper. Unfortunately, they play most of their games on grass.
People say nothing rhymes with orange. It seems very strange to me.
Have you read the book about hands? It’s a real page turner.
What did the paprika tell the salt around Christmas?
Seasonings greetings.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
This palace is a breath of fresh heir!
Why did the horse like her new backpack?
The straps were adju-stable.
Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?
Yeah, he can clock you a good one.
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
“I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.”
On which day do tiger eat people?
Chewsday
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing? Au revoir.
The most useless room in a ghost's home in the living room.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
A dirty double-crossing chicken.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son
"Beehive!"
What did Michael Jackson say to his chess opponent?
“It don’t matter if you’re black or white.”
What month does every tree dread? Sept-timmmberrr!
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