Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.
What do you call an elephant with rotors?
A Nellie-copter.
The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks.
It was very carefully orca-strated.
Let’s get elf-ed up.
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
What did the kitten do when she wanted to order something? She looked in the cat-alog!
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
I seem to find a way of sneaking chocolate into movie theaters..
.. I always have a few twix up my sleeve.
Q: Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
A: To the peach.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? Hot, diggety dog.
What did the WiFi router say when it was unplugged?
"Tell my wifi love her
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
I’m ready to shamrock and roll.
How does the weather tie its shoes? Witha rainbow!
Did you hear about the kid that ate a whole pack of candy worms?
It’s a sour tale!
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
You must be a bowling ball since you’re right up my alley.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
The forager was in such mixed moods this morning and we guessed he picked and ate the wrong class of mushrooms.
Did you want to hear the joke about the mountain? Never mind, you would never get over it.
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
Had beaver curry last night.
Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
What are the best mushrooms to have with a jacket potato? Button mushrooms!
Struggle with your Children's Math homework?
Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
What do we call a flock of sheep that tumbles down a mountain? They are called a lamb-slide.
Overheard on a bus... What do you call a social hermit crab?
Just a crab.
Where is a flamingo’s favourite place to dance? The hop, of course!
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite Village People song?
Nacho Man.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
What’s gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves?
Stalagmice!
Why does the earth appreciate the moon so much?
It keeps the oceans tidy.
My son asked me, what’s a Greek urn?
I said, “about 20 drachmas a day.”
Softball is just like baseball
Except the tactics seem more underhanded.
Irish puns are the most O'ffensive.
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
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