Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
The IT peach-guy is an expert in the field of peach synthesis.
What do you call a person really crazy about the moon
A lunatic.
What monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein!
Who directs all of the movies about volleyball injuries? Spike Lee.
What do you call children who are born in a whorehouse?
Brothel sprouts.
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
I'm reading a horror story in Braille and something bad is about to happen...
I can feel it.
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
I whale always love you.
When the ghost family got in their car, the dad ghost told the kids to fasten their sheet-belts.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
How can you tell if you are in love?
If they stole a pizza your heart.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
There are good and bad times to buy a flamingo. Bad times are when they’re expensive, the best times are when they’re cheep.
What do you get if you cross a mouse with a Triceratops? Enormous holes in the base boards.
Double bubble gum, bubbles double
I’m so lepre-gone right now.
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
What do frogs do when they ski?
They rip it.
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
Did you hear of the new disease going through France?
I've heard it was a Paris-ite.
Bowlers pay a lot of money to play. This is because it is a bum per lane.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
The comedian ghost had everyone in stitches - he was dead funny.
What do we call a scientist who specializes in pineapples? He might be called a pineappleologist!
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
A monster terrorized a village.
He kept doing it ogre and ogre again...
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
What always succeeds? A toothless parrot! (sucks seeds)
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
Go to BabaMail
