What do you call a crocodile that likes to bowl?
An alley-gator!
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
There are two people who both claim to live in the building where Shakespeare wrote Romeo & Juliet. They should put a plaque on both their houses.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
Everyone teased the snowman for having a pointy nose, but he didn’t carrot all.
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
What do you call a polyarmourus deceased gorilla?
Harembe.
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
What did the artist ask the preschooler? Can you count to pen?
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try and try and try and try-ceratops
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Give me my quarter back.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
Why do earth science professors always talk about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.
What type of apartment does a pun live in?
The pun-thouse!
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution
What kind of pasta do skeletons enjoy eating the most?
Elbow macaroni.
They say March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. Ewe might say it leaves sheepishly.
There's a German butcher around the corner from the hospital.
Just in case someone takes a turn for a wurst.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Where does Santa stay when he goes on vacation? At a ho-ho-ho-tel.
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
What’s the best way to settle church disputes?
With canons.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
Lesser leather never weathered wetter weather better
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder? He went into a korma.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
If we cross lobster bisque and Elon Musk, what we have is a soup-er car
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
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