The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
Are beavers the best builders in the animal kingdom? Dam right they are.
I’m not a bad putter…
I just can’t catch a break.
What sound do hedgehogs make when they kiss?
Ouch
The pancake was quiet because it did not like to waffle.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Because it was so foggy at my father’s funeral, he was buried in the wrong plot.
It was a grave mist-stake.
Why don’t dolphins play basketball?
Because they’re afraid of the net!
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
I’ll try to keep it brief, but I have so much to Marseilles about France.
Why did the old woman fall into the well?
Because she couldn’t see that well.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
What’s a llama’s favorite movie?
Alpacalypse Now.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic.
My friend went on a date with a Cardio Nurse
His heart was racing the whole time.
What is a skeleton’s favorite mode of transport?
A scare-plane.
What do you call a healthy dinosaur? Tea-Rex.
You better watch out before you play a game with any bread? Baguette ready to lose.
No need to light a night-light on a light night like tonight.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair who keeps getting struck by lightning?
A handicapacitor.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
I asked my Spanish girlfriend to make a to-do list
so she wrote down everything.
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
Lord of the Wrings.
Werewolf Weather Furcast: Tomorrow we expect heavy showers.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
Did you know that old bowlers do not die? They simply end up in gutters.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
Me: I have an appointment to see the doctor.
Nurse: which doctor?
Me: No, just the regular one
Turtles that commit crime are sent to the shell-block.
What did the goat farmer’s wife say to her husband when he was swearing on the job?
“Not in front of the kids!”
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired?
Because he couldn't keep his calves together!
The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
What do you call a Blind Dinosaur's Dog? Do-ya-think-he-saurus-rex.
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
What do you call a dinosaur that's a loud sleeper? A Snore-a-sorus
Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset!
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
I visited a coffee shop where the Wifi password was wedonthavewifi.
It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier.
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
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