Dialysis is a blood bath.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
What did the gorilla wear when he was cooking in the kitchen?
An ape-ron
What did the mother bread tell her baby roll? You really are the apple of my rye.
Why do painters always fall for their models?
Because they love them with all of their art.
I heard the King of spain caught Covid...
Heard he tested positive while on his plane going somewhere, now he has to quarantine there.
So the Reign in Spain remains solely on the Plane.
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend?
- Will you marrow me?
Is this a science class? Because we have great chemistry.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
I’m rooting for you!
Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
What do you call an animal you keep in your car?
A Carpet
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
Flamingos are great to go out with, because they all party like flock stars.
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
Trying to get to the end of the rainbow is a gold move.
Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
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What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
Why don’t tigers like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
What was the Peach's favorite surf band from the 60's? The Peach Boys.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
What is a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
What is a grammar vampire's least favourite drink?
Type-O.
What do you call a necromancer werewolf?
A dog with a bone.
What did the baby mosquito say after his first flight?
“Mama, mama! Did you see that? Everyone was clapping for me!”
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Why shouldn’t you iron a four-leaved clover?
You don’t want to press your luck.
What’s Frankenstein’s favorite food?
Frankenfurters.
I’ve always followed in my father’s footsteps until today.
He turned around and said, “STOP!”
What does a caped monkey superhero drive?
A banana-mobile.
Treat yo'elf.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
Why shouldn't you shop at the Banana Republic? Because the employees look like a bunch of dicks.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
My wife asked, “Honey, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”
It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.
What do a rabid rabbit and a basketball player have in common?
Mad hops.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
What currency do astronauts use in space?
Starbucks.
Water you doing on [date]?
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
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