What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
My dad refused to accept that he was not hiking in a mountain called Mt. McKinley
He was in Denali.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
"Beat it." — Michael Jackson, "Beat It"
"Over-easy like Sunday morning."
What’s happens to the sportiest horse?
It gets to be first horse-pick of the draft.
What did the rock say to the word processor?
Boulder.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
What is suns favourite chocolate bar?
A milky way
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
How do astronauts cook their meals?
With a Space Heater!
What would a crow wear to the Halloween party? A crown!
What was the most flexible dinosaur? Tyrannosaurus Flex.
Why did the artist use the bathroom? Because she was consta-painted.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
You are like my dentures.
I cannot smile without you.
You make miso happy.
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
What is small, has a long tail and works with the police?
A gerbil shepherd dog!
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
What’s a penguin’s favorite salad?
Iceberg lettuce!
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
I bought a 400 year-old chair from Italy,
but as soon as I sat on it, it baroque.
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
I was arrested at the airport. Just because I was greeting my cousin Jack!
All that I said was "Hi Jack", but very loud.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
We like to paddy.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
I saw some leprechauns putting coins in the vending machine but in vain. They were using lepre-coins.
My children got their good looks from their mother.
I kept mine.
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
What is the only animal smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee!
Son: “Hey Dad, can we go to the beach?”
Dad: “Shore?”
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up!
Why didn’t the koala bear get the job? He was underkoalafied. How did he fix this? By going back to koalage.
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
If you were in the jungle, and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
Please wait, bewitcha in a minute.
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