Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
I imagined I saw a rainbow but it must have been a pigment of our imagination.
Why did Eve want to leave the garden of Eden and move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
If you have a parrot, it says a lot about you!
Getting lucked up on St. Patrick’s Day.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
Have you seen the gators on skateboards, they are great alli-skaters.
What do you call an alien spaceship that goes from planet to planet to planet? A UF-hoe.
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
I left chess club early this week.
I was just so board.
What kind of cats love to go bowling? Alley cats!
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
I whale always love you.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
because it felt crumby.
I saw a lion in a bar, trying to pick up a lioness literally half his age
and I'm like "man, you must have *no* pride"
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
How do snowboarders introduce themselves when they meet somebody on the slopes?
Sorry Dude.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
It's a-boat time we took a vacation!
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
What do you call a family member who works at a gas station? A pump-kin!
Setters do it better. This sounds like a good motto to put on a T-shirt.
Snow on and snow forth.
Ghosts drop off their babies at the day-scare centre when they go to work.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.
What do you call a very smart bunny? An egghead.
Air resistance is a real drag.
What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic.
I don't like cutting up a peach. I think it's because of the pits.
You can forget about winning, princess. Because even Cinderella can’t get to this ball.
What's the manliest fruit to eat?
Mango.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
Go to BabaMail
