My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
What do you call an owl dressed in armor?
A knight owl.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts.
What do dinosaurs put on their pizza? Tomato-saurus
At the Italian restaurant, the ghoul ordered spook-ghetti for his main course.
What do you call fake oranges?
“Pulp Fiction”
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
Grammar Nazis for math should be called Fibbonazis.
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
Before training its killer dolphins, Iran had to convert them to fishlam.
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
Why don't crabs give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
My girlfriend brought 50,000 bees and put them in our backyard.
She's a keeper.
Grasshoppers do not fancy soccer matches because most of them prefer cricket matches.
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
You have me greening from ear to ear.
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
What praise did a bat’s friend deserve? A bat on the back.
How does Frankenstein eat his dinner?
He bolts it down.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
How would you be able to prevent a summer cold?
Catch it in the winter!
What do you call a spiders child?
An arach-kid.
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
Why are horses so good at the shooting range?
They’re hunters.
Which hotel do mice most often use?
The Stilton.
Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Hurricane
Hurricane who?
Hurry! Cane you jog away from the storm?
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
Whale, hello there.
Strawberries are only made in the strawberry plant.
Why don’t penguins fly?
They are not tall enough to be pilots.
Away from their official duties, soccer players love dancing at a soccer ball.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
Why did the two Irish men fight amongst themselves?
They can’t find any other worthy opponents.
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
Why do travel nurses and boxers get along?
They know how to stick and move.
My first date with an Emergency department nurse was a casual tea.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport puns.
I think it may be terminal
Go to BabaMail
