Why are fish so smart Because they swim in schools!
SpaceX is launching astronauts today with a new space catapult
Bringing forth a new era of crude spaceflight.
What happens when you blend sulfur, tungsten and silver together? SWAG.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
Long time no sea.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
I was talking to this guy about how I hate geometry. You know what he said to me.
You just have to look at it from a different angle.
Corn mazes should be renamed Maize mazes.
What's green and purple and goes up and down? Barney in an elevator.
When the peach lost her mother, it left a deep pit in her heart.
Mushrooms always hate going to school. They feel inferior before the rest because they are always so spore-d.
What do you call an alligator who’s your friend?
A pal-igator.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Case in punt
What will you do when you will see a spaceman? You will simply park your car, man!
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
What do we call a scientist who specializes in pineapples? He might be called a pineappleologist!
Why do witches not wear a regular hat?
Because there's no point in it.
I’m not a bad putter…
I just can’t catch a break.
Bobby Bippy bought a bat.
Bobby Bippy bought a ball.
With his bat Bob banged the ball
Banged it bump against the wall
But so boldly Bobby banged it
That he burst his rubber ball
"Boo!" cried Bobby
Bad luck ball
Bad luck Bobby, bad luck ball
Now to drown his many troubles
Bobby Bippy's blowing bubbles.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
The cawllarborne of the skinny crow was so pronounced.
How do bats spend their time?
Flying and hanging out.
Why do blind people hate diving?
It scares the hell out of their dogs.
I have pea soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That’s why I pea soup all night!
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
What's the best way to avoid eating too many Thanksgiving leftovers? Quit cold turkey.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
Why was the doctor doing diarrhia research scared?
He had seen some sh*t go down.
Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
What do you call an italian mosquito?
Malario.
A bear covered in a bunch of crows gives the picture of a grizzly murder.
Skeleton 1: Why are graveyards so noisy?
Skeleton 2: I don't know. Why?
Skeleton 1: Because of all the coffin.
It's a-boat time we took a vacation!
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
What's faster - lightning, light, or diarrhea?
Diarrhea. Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.
Have you ever tried crossing a lion with a flamingo? It will be pink, that’s the mane thing.
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
What do you call two worms in love?
Soilmates.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
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