Dublin’ the fun.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
Whale, whale, whale …
If it isn’t a pod.
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
My father-in-law fell into a giant vat of sliced cabbage.
Now he's my father-in-slaw.
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
I knew a mathematician who couldn’t afford lunch.
He could binomial.
But wait—there’s myrrh.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Why did the leaf go to the doctor?
It was feeling green
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila mockingbird.
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
I heard the King of spain caught Covid...
Heard he tested positive while on his plane going somewhere, now he has to quarantine there.
So the Reign in Spain remains solely on the Plane.
What is it called when two Irish couples go out on a date?
Dublin.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
What type of bread do deers enjoy the most?
“Sour-doe!”
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
What’s the difference between hot potato and a flying pig? One’s a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
Why did the giant ape climb up the side of the skyscraper?
Because the elevator was broken.
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Because vacuum cleaner cords aren’t long enough.
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
Who is the penguins favourite aunt?
Aunt Arctica
What does a caped monkey superhero drive?
A banana-mobile.
Do you know how the pineapple feeds her children? She gives them milk from her pinenipples!
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
What do you call a turkey's evil twin?
A Gobblegänger.
How do blind folks buy homes in hot markets?
Sight unseen.
Love the beach. Can I be any more Pacific?
What do you call an ant who can see into the future?
Clairvoy-ant.
A disappointed Dad tells a knock-knock joke to his teenage son: "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "You're a mountain." "You're a mountain, who?" "You're a mountain to nothing, son!"
Why are artists so temperamental? They have to get into the right frame of mind.
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
My fire tonight...
Was lit!
Who is the most famous actor in Greece ?
John Travolta.
Where do most horses work for their first job?
Re-tail stores.
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
I caught a fruit fly in the air and killed it.
I'm a gnatural born killer.
We just bought our new dream house. As I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs?" I chuckled and replied, "Sweetie,"
"Stairs don't talk!"
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Changed my password to fortnight but apparently that's two week.
I saw a mosquito in the kitchen. I could have killed it, but I let it fly away...
That's probably going to come back to bite me later.
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