What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.

What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.

How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.

What our parents tortoise was to be kind to each other.

Why are werewolves better than vampires?
Werewolves don’t have a problem with steaks.

I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample

What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.

A mixture of black, white, and red usually refers to a panda who has experienced severe sunburn!

When you go to the wolf hotel just around the corner, you will meet this huge, moustached wolf who always says, “howl may I help you?” as if he has no other words to us!

Some people say Greece should stop using the euro as currency...
I think they're being over-drachmatic.

I love you berry much.

Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.

What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.

A Portuguese, Spaniard, Dane, Finn, Swede, German, French, Italian, Belgian, Austrian, Czech, Polish, Russian, Afgani, Serbian, Brit, Irish, Scot, Sardinian, Corsican, Icelander, Belarian, Romanian, Yugoslavian, Hungarian, Ukrainian, Bulgarian, Turk, Morrocan, Algerian, Liberian, Sudanese, S. African, Zambian, Ethiopian, Bosnian, Nigerian, Angolan, Botswanian, Tanzanian, Saudi Arabian, Kuwaiti, Iranian, Iraqi, Pakistanian, Mongolian, Indian, Burman, Chinese, Cambodian, Laotian, Somalian, Yemen, Syrian, Israeli, Armenian, Philipino, Javan, Australian, Sri Lankan, Malaysian, Georgian, Taiwanese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Puerto Rican, Dominican Republican, Aruban, Jamacian, Cuban, Haitian, El Salvadorian, Guatamalan, Nicaraguan, Costa Rican, Panamanian, American, Canadian, Mexican, Argentinian, Bolivian, Peruvian, Columbian, Brazilian, Ecuadorian and a Venezuelan walk into a bar.


The bartender looks up and says, "Sorry. I cannot serve you without a Thai."

Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.

The Secret Service surround the President with twelve cows because they were attempting to beef up their security.

I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.

What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.

Did you hear about the two silkworms that were in a race? They wound up in a tie.

The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.

I tried to open a bag of Lays but it exploded all over me.
I've had a chip on my shoulder ever since.

When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.

The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.

What was the snail doing on the highway? About one mile a day!

Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.

More candles means a bigger wish!

How many mosquito's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only 2, no idea how they got there.

What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.

What did one pirate say to the other when he beat him in chess.
Check matey!

Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.

What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.

The shark and the computer are so alike. They both have and use their megabytes.

Have your elf a merry little Christmas.

The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.

The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.

Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.

How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle

Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.

What sport are eggs best at?
Running.

I am fawn’d of you my deer.

Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.

I didn’t know you could vape a chocolate bar until my wife told me to stop inhaling them.

What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Cold cash!

Say what you want about waiters, but I think they bring a lot to the table.

What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.

What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado?
“Well, this is guacward.”

Why do earth science professors always talk about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.

Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.

What do you call Santa when he accidentally falls into the fireplace? Krisp Kringle.

I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.