What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.
Why did Saint Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?
They were causing mass hiss-teria!
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
Q: What is the opposite of a cold front?
A: A warm back
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
My wife just said that in order for our marriage to work, we both need to make sacrifices.
I’m thinking of choosing a goat.
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
How did the old man walk his way out of the storm so fast?
Because, he had a hurry cane.
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
That romantic cow took his new girlfriend to the moo-vies.
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea-weed.
September and October are considered to be the best months of the year, I say this from the b-autumn of my heart.
Who does their best work when they're under the weather?
Meteorologists.
What does a ghost wear when it’s raining outside?
Boooooooooooots.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
Got my nurse going into surgery today
She put the IV in my right hand, so I started texting from my left.
She said, "Wow! How can you do that?"
I responded: "I'm ambi-textrous."
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
When the past, present, and future go camping they always argue. It's intense tense in tents.
What's a bats favorite desert? I-Scream!
What is the difference between a deer nut and a beer nut?
“A beer nut is often more than a buck but a deer nut is always under a buck.”
Q. Which Greek eggplant dish do deer really eat up?
A. Moose-aka.
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
Which Habs great once worked as a janitor? Broom-Broom Geoffrion.
Flamingos can be a bit of a daring bunch. In fact, they always fly by the seat of their pants.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
What do you call someone who only eats tiny bits of other people?
A cannibble.
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
Flamingoes have a special name for one of their numbers who has passed away. They call it flamingone.
I just flew on a plane with an all female flight crew.
It was an....unmanned aircraft.
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